Vintage Trashwire – ‘Flavor of Love’ or flavor of vomit

Flavor of Love 2 debuted tonight on VH1 and I can safely say it was as bad as the Holocaust.

First off, the girls look less like soap stars than they did last year and more like the kind of hookers that work at truck stops… in the daytime. If you put them all together you’d only have one full set of teeth. If you thought they scraped the bottom of the ghetto trash barrel last time, you can only imagine what they’ve dragged out this season. Want an example? Well, about five minutes into their arrival at the house, two girls got into a fistfight over which bed they were going to sleep in. That’s not enough for you? After the fight, the weave-wearing chubby skank who started the fight sat down to pray saying, “Lord, please forgive me for beating this bitch’s ass today.” I can only pray that she was just an actress and not a real person with no common sense. Thankfully she was the first person eliminated, but she left the show with as much grace and dignity as Star Jones.

After that situation was resolved, Flav gave all the girls nicknames. Aside from ridiculous names like “Bootz” and “Eye’z”, he named one girl “Payshintz” or Patience for those of you who passed third grade. Perhaps a good nickname for the show would be “Ghetto Reality Abortion” or “Ugly Fat Whores Who Fight for a D-Lister”.

All the previous antics seemed classier than Jackie O when compared with what happened in the last five minutes. It was so appallingly bad, I don’t know if I can even describe it. During the elimination segment, one of the girls bent down behind the last row for a moment before popping back up to celebrate a toast with the rest of the group. As everyone was heading back upstairs, they all noticed a nasty smell but weren’t sure of the source. Then they started heading up and noticed something on the stairs and in the middle of the floor. Turds, ladies and gentlemen! It seems that the girl who bent down was actually relieving herself on the floor of the mansion and continued to go on her way up the stairs to the bathroom. As if a girl pooping on the floor wasn’t horrendous enough, Flav decided to keep the girl in the competition because, by crapping on the floor, she was “keepin’ it real”. I want to stress that I did not make this up. VH1 actually broadcast a dating show where a girl took a crap on the floor of a mansion.

Anyway, after this eye-raping, I feel like I need to take a shower or perhaps rip my eyes out and then burn them and bury the ashes. Flavor of Love airs on VH1 Sundays at 8PM.