First of all, I just want to offer a warning that it’s going to be very difficult for me to write this review without totally fangirling out over Leonardo DiCaprio. You see, I’ve absolutely adored him since the days of What’s Eating Gilbert Grape? and I am absolutely confident that he is the best actor of my generation. I should probably also mention that I think Baz Luhrmann is an incredibly inventive and talented director with an eye for visual flare and artistic use of music. With that being said, it should come as no surprise that I loved The Great Gatsby.

For those who are unfamiliar (and really, at this point you should have read it), the film is about excess, class, commercialism and foolish hope. Seen through the eyes of narrator Nick Carraway (Tobey Maguire) we enter the wild world of New York in the roaring ‘20s. Nick has come to make money on Wall Street like many other ambitious young men. He lives in the nouveau riche West Egg, a region politely sneered at by the old-money types across the water in East Egg, where his cousin, Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan) lives with her waspy husband, Tom (Joel Edgerton).  Nick’s mysterious neighbor is a man known for his lavish parties, attended by just about everyone in the city. When the lower-class Nick gets a personal invitation to one such affair, he meets the man himself, Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio).

DiCaprio gets and introduction rivaling his iconic Radiohead-accompanied intro in William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet, complete with fireworks and one of the sexiest shots of someone holding up a glass of champagne ever captured on film.

Gatsby has invited Nick in the hopes of getting close to Daisy, something Nick reluctantly agrees to help with after learning that Daisy and Gatsby had a relationship before she married Tom. It’s not like Tom is a saint either. He’s been carrying on an affair with Myrtle (Isla Fisher) who lives in the polluted, rundown Valley of Ashes between the city and the wealthier suburbs with her husband. Nick watches as Gatsby courts Daisy, Tom courts (and parties with) Myrtle and everything begins to unravel.

Gatsby’s undying love for Daisy is both admirable and foolish. He’s devoted to the idea of Daisy more so than Daisy herself, who is in fact quite weak and superficial. She is his dream, and that dream is so close that he can almost touch it—much like the ever-present green light at the end of Daisy’s dock that he endlessly stares at like the illusive specter of a past that has slipped away. The pieces are moving and everything is set on a collision course that sees the ever-hopeful Gatsby believing his own delusions and meeting with a tragic end.

Having read the book in high school, watched the Robert Redford movie from the 1970s and practically lived and breathed Romeo + Juliet for the majority of my middle school years, I was expecting a lavish, opulent, visually captivating world of vintage, stylish costumes and sets. And Gatsby delivered with flying colors, particularly in the party scenes. Luhrmann has a knack for almost surreal and exaggerated imagery and he does not disappoint here. The added bonus of 3D brings even more depth to the world and perfectly captures the wild spirit of Gatsby’s infamous parties.

But let’s get serious here, the star of this show is DiCaprio. Very few actors can consistently capture the mixture of subtlety and intensity that he just naturally radiates. As Gatsby he is charming, mysterious, warm, sympathetic, suave, flustered, delusional and honest at the same time. Simply put, he is fantastic! And that’s not just the fangirl in me talking, it’s the film critic too. I would see this film a dozen times just to watch him own this character again and again.

Because of its highly stylized nature, this film is sure to draw some dissenters, but for those who enjoy Lurhmann’s previous work, DiCaprio’s intensity, feast-for-the-eyes style 3D and the music of Jay-Z (who was also an executive producer) Gatsby is a must-see.

Bonus pictures below because there’s just too much gorgeous Leo for one post!

When I was nine years old, I had my mind completely blown when I sat in the movie theater and watched Steven Spielberg‘s Jurassic Park for the first time. The story, based on the Michael Crichton novel of the same name, was gripping, the special effects were breathtaking and the movie was one of few I’ve ever seen that could genuinely classify as a cinematic adventure. After 20 years, Jurassic Park still holds up and now, with the addition of 3D, it’s set to dazzle the minds of a whole new generation.

Special effects films rarely stand the test of time, but Jurassic Park looks just as magnificent today as it did in 1993. Like John Hammond (Richard Attenborough), the movie’s fictional billionaire, Spielberg and Co. spared no expense back in the day, utilizing cutting edge computer technology from ILM and practical effects by the late, great Stan Winston. The dinosaurs are just as majestic and menacing as they ever were and these people were using computers whose processing power probably wouldn’t even rival that of your basic model iPad today. It was a monumental accomplishment, made even more spectacular by the new addition of 3D. Remember the sequence with Dr. Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) in the Jeep with Ellie (Laura Dern) and Muldoon (Bob Peck) being chased down by the T-Rex? “Must go faster!” Now imagine that T-Rex popping out of the screen with the magic of 3D. Picture Dr. Grant (Sam Neill) trying to keep the children calm as the mammoth dinosaur bears down on them. “Its vision is based on movement.” Think about the velociraptors stalking Muldoon before their coordinated attack outside the shed. “Clever girl.” Or Nedry (Wayne Knight) being blasted with venom from the dilophosaurus as he tries to escape the park with his precious smuggled specimens. “I’m gonna run you over when I come back down.” Now picture all that in 3D. Pretty sweet, right? The excitement of knowing how great these sequences were before 3D only made them even more rewarding with the enhancement.

The only time you even realize you’re watching something from the early 1990s is when you see the large monitors in the control room and Lex and Timmy (Ariana Richards and Joseph Mazzello) go gaga over the sleek new interactive CD-ROM in the cars. Even then, it only serves to bring a fond smile to viewers’ faces. It’s a reminder that you’re watching something that old that remains that spectacular. If this movie were a person, it would almost be old enough to drink, yet it still looks fresh and exciting.

As I sat in the theater watching this classic film from my childhood, I felt a great sense of nostalgia, reciting every line in my head and anxiously awaiting the tell-tale tremors in the water glasses leading up to the magnificent T-Rex attack sequence. All around me, people who had seen the movie dozens if not hundreds of times cheered, gasped, laughed and applauded in all the right places like we were watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but with big, scary dinosaurs. The children in the crowd, some of whom were new to the film, were awed by the visuals, now enhanced by throwing in a third dimension. It was a truly great movie experience, something shared by all in the theater. Jurassic Park: bringing people together in the dark of the movie theater.

Enjoy some behind-the-scenes clips from Stan Winston School of Character Arts below:

We all know Stephenie Meyer from Twilight, the franchise that set teen hearts aflutter with sparkly vampires and bland high school love interests. She’s back with something of the non-blood-sucking variety with The Host, adapted from her sci-fi novel of the same name. The film takes an classic sci-fi concept (aliens taking over the human race) and mixes in the teeny romance Meyer is known for, creating a sort of Star Trek meets The Notebook film that falls flat.

Feather-like parasitic aliens have landed in droves. In just a short while, they completely taken over the earth, turning humans into bodysnatched Stepford civilians who all look like nerds trying to get into P.Diddy’s white party. Meet Melanie (Saoirse Ronan), one of few remaining regular humans on the planet. Before we get the chance to know her, she’s dead. Well, technically she’s alive, but she’s “occupied” by a parasitic alien named Wanderer. But Melanie is a strong one and her consciousness remains, bugging the crap out of Wanderer in a sort of dueling inner monologue. Eventually, Melanie convinces Wanderer that humans are actually the good guys and both girls, living simultaneously in Melanie’s body, make a journey to the desert to meet up with a resistance group of humans. They are pursued by The Seeker (Diane Kruger), who is fiercely determined to capture Wanderer and find out why she’s losing the battle of wills with her host’s consciousness. It’s humans vs emotionless aliens vs compassionate aliens.

And this is where an old-school sci-fi concept turns into a teen movie.

At the ancient volcano these rebels call home, Melanie reunites with her little brother (Chandler Canterbury) and long lost boyfriend, Jared (Max Irons). He’s distrustful, since everyone can tell that Melanie isn’t quite Melanie anymore. Wanderer, whom they nickname Wanda, has to try to fit in with a group, lead by the sympathetic Jeb (William Hurt), who see her as the enemy and repeatedly discuss killing her, all while she’s internally arguing with Melanie about how to behave. It only gets worse when Wanderer develops a crush on Ian (Jake Abel), one of the cute, teenage survivors. Sci-fi turns to teen romance as both guys try to pursue the two consciousnesses living in the same body—and it’s not even that great of a body! What happens when you you has a crush on a different boy than alien you? Apparently that question warrants the shelving of the entire sci-fi concept so the story can shift to cute boys and tame kissing.

The first half hour of The Host gave me hope. The idea remind me of an old Stargate Atlantis episode (yes, I’m a nerd) and had the potential to be unique and imaginative. Director Andrew Niccol has made some visually interesting sci-fi films, including Gattaca and In Time, so the sleek style hinted that this might be something more than a teen movie. Then it just got too damn “Stephenie Meyer” for me. The longing glances, the waifish girls whose milkshakes inexplicably bring all the boys to the yard, the “I want to kiss you, but I can’t” sexual frustrations, all of it overwhelmed what could have been kind of a cool movie. Even the fans at the theater around me, who had been bragging about how many times they’d read the book, were snickering at some of the cheesier moments.

Sadly, Meyer has the magic touch and even Twilight fanfiction seems to blow up like The Godfather (see: Fifty Shades) so The Host will surely attract her base, but it feels a bit same-shit-different-day to me.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a person who wasn’t a fan of The Wizard of Oz. The 1939 film practically defines the term “classic” with iconic themes and visuals that have stuck in the collective mind of moviegoers for over 70 years. Sam Raimi promised stunning 3D and a Wizard-focused origin story, but really only delivered on half of that.

Whenever Hollywood tampers with something as sacred as Oz, it’s hard not to be apprehensive. The images of Judy Garland as Dorothy, Munchkinland, the Yellow Brick Road and the green gates of the Emerald City are burned into our memories since childhood, and Hollywood has a tendency to sully those memories by “reimagining” these classics.

Oz started out a bit like a parody with James Franco‘s Wizard as a flimflam magician at a traveling circus. He’s immoral, a cheat, a liar, a charmer, and soon he gets into trouble with the circus strong man and is forced to flee in that famed balloon to be sucked into a tornado. The tornado imagery was promising. The objects flying by were reminiscent of Dorothy’s unconscious journey over the rainbow and the 3D provided good simulated motion, making the gimmick pay off. Even the switch from black and white to Technicolor seemed faithful to the original, yet still “inside” enough to give the audience a little wink every now and then.

Upon crash landing in Oz, the Wizard meets three witches: the innocent Theodora (Mila Kunis looking sick’ning), Evanora (Rachel Weisz) and the famed Glinda (Michelle Williams) who believe him to be the prophesized savoir of their land. They send him on a quest that has him teaming up with new friends Finley the monkey (voiced by Zach Braff) and a porcelain doll (Joey King) he finds in China Town—get it? China Town? Together they must journey through the dark forest to destroy the Wicked Witch’s wand.

Meanwhile, there’s a lot of conspiring and conniving at the Emerald City and it’s clear that the three witches aren’t exactly buddies. Without spoiling the Wicked Witch’s identity, though I think it’s pretty obvious from all the stills they’ve released, one of them turns evil and we get to see her cackle and ride off on a broom a la Margaret Hamilton in the original.

Because of some legal hang-ups, we don’t see the iconic red slippers—even though one of the witches must have them, since Dorothy only gets them when she drops a house on the Wicked Witch’s sister. The design of the Emerald City is also slightly tweaked and Williams’ Glinda wears a more toned-down, simple dress instead of the poofy pink gown of Billie Burke. The changes aren’t incredibly noticeable, but they make the film lack that true Oz feeling that so many of us remember.

While the 3D is impressive, the film starts to feel about a half an hour too long and seems to struggle with whether it’s a parody, a modern remake, a reimagining or a sugary children’s tale. Most kids’ films combine jokes for the parents with fun for the kids, but it feels like Oz can’t always decide which direction it wants to go.

Overall, Oz the Great and Powerful might be fun in IMAX 3D, but with the lack of zip in the story, it might not be worth the steep price of admission for visuals alone.

When it comes to comedies, there is no offense greater than wasting the talent of your brilliant stars. Identity Thief commits this sin in spades, squandering the skills of stars Jason Bateman and the comedically gifted Melissa McCarthy in a derpy, often slapstick comedy that could be described as Tommy Boy meets Due Date.

The formulaic plot of this movie revolves around Sandy Patterson (Bateman), a finance guy with a feminine name who unwittingly gives out his banking info to a crafty thief named Diana (McCarthy). Sandy goes on about his life, supporting his daughters and pregnant wife (Amanda Peet) while taking crap from his arrogant jerk of a boss (Jon Favreau). An opportunity presents itself for him to branch off with his disgruntled co-workers and be part of a new company, lead by his friend, Daniel (John Cho), but shit hits the fan when his new employer discovers that his credit score has plummeted and believes this will reflect badly on the company. The police (lead by Morris Chestnut) are bafflingly unhelpful, despite the litany of serious crimes committed by the suspected Sandy Patterson impersonator, so Sandy resorts to going on a manhunt and catching the crook himself—you know, as you do. After confronting her, the two take a road trip together and end up becoming such close friends that Diana is embraced by Sandy’s entire family—a totally normal chain of events when dealing with a lifelong criminal who destroyed your entire life. A subplot involving T.I., Genesis Rodriguez and Robert Patrick trying to track down Diana is barely even worth mentioning and typically only used for more broad, unfunny jokes.

McCarthy is a true talent and can deliver the kind of stellar comedic performances that will stand the test of time (e.g. Bridesmaids) but here, she’s relegated to “kooky oddball” and many of the jokes revolve around her being heavy or deemed otherwise unattractive. How insulting! She’s such a great performer that I hate seeing her boxed into the “wacky fat idiot” role. Another one of my favorites, Zach Galifianakis, is also typecast into similar parts and I hate watching Hollywood take these unique performers and water them down into “the fat person who falls down or gets hit by stuff”.

Bateman is equally wasted in this laughless comedy and it feels like the poor script (by Craig Mazin and Jerry Eeten) suffocates his usual snarky humor and quips. My beloved Michael Bluth is just a straight man who inexplicably accepts a deceitful criminal into his home, introduces her to his family and even lets her sleep in the same room as his two young daughters? And all this because he’s sympathetic to her troubled childhood? WTF?!

I am praying to the gods of comedy that Bateman and McCarthy choose different roles in the future because this stinker blew a great opportunity to let them shine.

What do you get when you cross Romeo and Juliet with George Romero? You get a refreshingly original zombie romance in the form of Jonathan Levine’s Warm Bodies. Told from the POV of a teenage zombie who’s grown apathetic with his post-apocalyptic existence, Warm Bodies delivers a sweet, funny and fresh take on a classic teenage love story.

Nicholas Hoult is R, a hoodie-wearing zombie who lives in an abandoned airport that houses a community of the undead. R, so named because he can’t remember his real name save for the fact that it began with R, is restless, bored and just a little bit emo—but in an endearing way. He and his best friend, M, played to perfection by Rob Corddry, mostly sit around at the airport bar and grunt at each other before it’s time to track down humans and feed on their brains, the preferred meal of zombies everywhere.

During one such hunt, he stumbles upon a group of kids (Teresa Palmer as Julie, Dave Franco as Perry and Analeigh Tipton as Nora) who live behind The Wall, the giant barrier separating the remaining humans from the zombies and Bonies, the skeletal undead who have lost all traces of humanity and transformed into bloodthirsty predators. The gang is out gathering medicine for the settlement when they’re attacked. R cracks open Perry’s head and starts feasting on his tasty brains, which gives him the intoxicating effect of absorbing Perry’s memories. In the flashbacks, he sees Perry’s relationship with Julie and instantly falls for her, saving her from the other zombies but abducting her and taking her back to zombie HQ at the airport.

R has trouble expressing his feelings to Julie at first, he is a zombie after all, but soon the two are able to communicate and grow quite fond of one another. Julie, whose father (John Malkovich) is leader of the human resistance, starts to see that maybe the undead aren’t as mindless as she thought.

Their budding romance is met with skepticism from Julie’s friends and with utter dismissal by her father, but she’s able to prove that this crazy little thing called love can jumpstart the hearts of the walking corpses.

Hoult deserves epic praise for his ability to bring personality to a character who is, by definition, emotionless. He conveys the awkward fascination and clumsy flirtation of a teenage boy in love through subtle facial expressions and shoulder shrugs. R’s inner monologues are witty and humorous, but even during a lengthy session where we don’t get a glimpse in his head, he’s still dynamic and appealing.

Corddry is a scene stealer with grunts, groans and the biggest laugh of the film in a scene where R is trying to explain his love for Julie with his limited zombie vocabulary. Dead Rob Corddry can be just as funny as living Rob Corddry.

Palmer serves us a tough, clever and sassy heroine who isn’t fazed by being the captive of a friendly corpse. Tipton, who took third place on cycle 11 of America’s Next Top Model, brings great humor to the role of Nora, which is somewhat reminiscent of Olivia Thrilby in Juno. Franco works with limited minutes, but gives off that “little shit” vibe needed for Perry. Malkovich’s part is also small, but he has the intensity needed for a man whose whole world has become about defeating the zombie scourge.

After the endless teenage vampire romance flicks of the past few years, it’s nice to see zombies getting a little depth with a film like this, adapted from author Isaac Marion’s book of the same title. Warm Bodies brings some life to the undead and gives us a sweet, funny and original zom-rom-com.

It’s “Big Game” time (since apparently combining the words Super and Bowl is a trademark no-no) and, like every year, we’ll be seeing a slew of new commercials gracing our flat-screens on Sunday. One commercial you won’t be seeing is a spot for PornHub.com, one of the internet’s largest porn tube sites. CBS reportedly rejected a proposed multimillion dollar commercial from the site in a grandiose display of shameful hypocrisy. Why is it so hypocritical, you might ask? I’ll explain.

Everyone knows that Super Bowl commercials are the most highly coveted of all TV ads and they’re usually the talk of the town after they air. From the Budweiser frogs to Apple’s 1984 to the hugely popular VW Vader commercial, these ads can become a part of pop culture.

PornHub’s rejected spot was not only safe for work, it was also funny, drawing attention to the G-rated means of advertising an X-rated subject. Take a look at the ad here:

An older couple sits on a bench, silently, contently looking out over a park while sentimental music plays in the background. Twenty seconds of sugary bliss, until the supposedly offensive part: a simple, plain, brand logo for PornHub. It seems that the very words “PornHub” are so grossly horrifying that they should not be allowed to be viewed by all the innocent eyes glued to the TV during the game.

I call bullshit!

Let’s take a look at some other Super Bowl commercials, shall we? Here’s a quick video with some of the most recent sexy Super Bowl ads:

Scantily-clad babes, cavernous cleavage and just about every square inch of Adriana Lima were completely fit for air, but not two old people on a bench?

I’d like to take a moment to talk about one ad, or rather one company, in particular. GoDaddy. Let’s take a look at their “Cloud” commercial.

Oft-exploited spokeswoman Danica Patrick appears with the Pussycat Dolls to flirt with two nerds and shoot light from her boobs in an a commercial that’s somehow supposed to advertise the sleazy .com distributor’s new cloud services. Yes, cloud services. That’s what you take away from this commercial.

Let’s face it, the GoDaddy commercials are like porn anyway—crappy, tacky porn with no money shot, but porn none the less. Just like no one goes to Hooters for wings, no one says, “I can’t wait to see that GoDaddy commercial so I can learn about their e-commerce options for my web hosting package.” CBS claims they rejected the ad because they don’t permit “advertising related to pornography” but the GoDaddy ads are borderline pornography all by themselves.

PornHub is clearly emerging as the winner here because they’re getting enough free publicity from this to make up for a dozen Super Bowl ads, and they’re revealing CBS’ ridiculousness to the world.

CBS might not allow PornHub and similar companies to air ads this year, maybe not next year either, but eventually the almighty dollar will win out and they’ll cave, which will probably lead to better ads anyway. At least the porn companies can produce something humorous and clever!

Could any other director besides Quentin Tarantino bring us such a masterful spaghetti western/fairy tale/historical fiction period piece about slavery? Absolutely not! With Jamie Foxx in the titular role, Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio in the mix, Django Unchained is one of the most unique films of the year and proves that Tarantino can combine genres and filmmaking techniques like they were musical instruments in a beautiful symphony.

We first meet Django as one of several slaves in a chain gang being transported across a snowy landscape. His captors have a run-in with bounty hunter Dr. King Schultz (Waltz) and Django teams up with the German “servant of the court” to track a gang of wanted men who brutalized Django’s wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington) before she was sold to another slave owner. Along the way, Schultz is moved by Django’s quest to reunite with his wife and agrees to help him locate her.

The journey leads them to Calvin Candie (DiCaprio), the dastardly slave owner of the “Candyland” plantation, where Broomhilda is currently being held. Candie is a ruthless man who tortures his slaves and enjoys “Mandingo fighting”, pitting two slaves against each other in a battle to the death for his amusement. Together, Django and Schultz adopt an elaborate cover story to help them infiltrate Candie’s world and free Broomhilda, but Candie’s head house slave, Stephen (Jackson), catches wise and rats them out. From there, all hell breaks loose in a violent, heroic and supremely engaging tale of cruelty, revenge, friendship and love—Tarantino style.

The violence is spontaneous, brutal and hard to watch. Tarantino makes no attempt to shelter the viewer from the horrors of slavery and there’s no glossing over scenes involving a man being torn apart by dogs or two slaves battling to the death for the amusement of their white owners. No doubt people will claim the film employs excessive use of the N-word and presents graphic, nearly stomach-turning violence, but that’s the point. Slavery was the lowest point in American history and it should be presented in all it’s disgusting, horrifying, appalling splendor.

Foxx and Watlz have excellent chemistry and their Butch and Sundance dynamic  makes both very endearing. Jackson puts out a fantastic performance that is both comedically exaggerated and delightfully loathsome. Even smaller appearances from the likes of Don Johnson and Jonah Hill enhance the story.

Still, the absolute standout is DiCaprio, who plays a true, evil-to-the-core villain. Candie is charming and charismatic, but simultaneously abhorrent, something only an actor as skilled as DiCaprio could flawlessly pull off. Every minute he’s on screen is a delight, like a diamond on top of an already golden film and he deserves enormous acclaim for this role—and hopefully a few trophies this award season.

Django shows us why Tarantino is one of the most brilliant directors in the game. He utilizes fantastic actors, showcases sharp dialogue and engaging writing, uses cinematic techniques that span genres, and delivers an incredible film.

Peter Jackson has finally returned to give us The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey, the kickoff film in his long-awaited cinematic adaptation of The Hobbit, which arrives 11 years after the release of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, the first installment in Jackson’s LOTR trilogy. This time, the stakes aren’t as high, the band of heroes is comprised mainly of dwarfs and Jackson’s special effects house, Weta, gets to show their stuff in cinematic 3D. But does The Hobbit live up to its legendary predecessor? Not quite.

The story centers around Bilbo Baggins, Ian Holm in LOTR and Martin Freeman in this chapter. Bilbo is a young hobbit who enjoys a relaxing life in The Shire until everyone’s favorite wizard, Gandalf (Ian McKellen), shows up at his doorstep. Soon Bilbo’s house is filled with nomadic dwarfs (Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish,  William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O’Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown) and our young hobbit is tossed in the middle of a quest to defeat a dragon and restore a dwarf kingdom to its former glory.

Obviously, the film is visually gorgeous. Jackson doesn’t mess around when it comes to stunning CG and it’s quite cool to see how he utilizes 3D here. Some of the effects can occasionally seem video game-ish, but that’s not out of the ordinary for heavily computer animated films these days.

The performances are all good, with each of the characters carving out a niche in the group, be it comic relief, heart, or even “the fat one.” McKellen is great, as always, in the role of Gandalf and Freeman plays Bilbo with the same wonderful snarkiness and subtle comedy that made me fall in love with him back when he was playing Tim on the original UK version of The Office. Andy Serkis also returns as Gollum, a highlight of the film. Superfans will be delighted to see Flight of the Conchords’ Brett McKenzie back, though his character actually gets a name and a sizable speaking part this time around. Some of the OG ringers are back too, with Elijah Wood, Hugo Weaving, Cate Blanchet and Christopher Lee all appearing in the film.

But now for the downside. The original LOTR trilogy centered around the ultimate battle between good and evil, the fate of all people in Middle Earth, not just one tribe of people trying to reclaim what’s theirs. For that reason, the stakes seem much lower here and it’s hard to get as enthusiastic about the heroes accomplishing their quest.

In addition, the film feels long. Very long. And this is coming from a girl who loves the extended editions of all three LOTR movies! This first chapter, An Unexpected Journey, is only one of three films that will tell the story of The Hobbit. Let’s not forget that the original story by J. R. R. Tolkein is only one book, not three like with Lord of the Rings. There’s really no reason why this has to be three movies and, in fact, it makes the ending of this first film feel rather unsatisfying. So, they walk and walk and fight a few times and they don’t really do anything to get closer to defeating the bad guy? Personally, I’m not a huge fan of waiting until 2014 for some kind of resolution. All the LOTR films had a natural conclusion (escaping the Moria, the battle at Helms Deep and, of course, the final destruction of the One Ring) but An Unexpected Journey feels like one big tease to get us back in theaters in two years to finally see a pay off.

Maybe my problem is that, after the cinematic masterpiece that was Jackson’s LOTR trilogy, my expectations were astronomically high for this film. Technology has advanced, Jackson has proven to be a heavyweight in the filmmaking game and people have been clamoring for this flick for over a decade, but it fails to live up to its predecessor. It’s certainly not a bad film, it’s just not as good as I was hoping it would be.

Jackson’s got my attention, but next year’s The Desolation of Smaug better provide something more enriching than this first entry in the trilogy.

Twi-hards everywhere are shedding a collective tear with the release of The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, the fifth and final film in the Twilight series, adapted from the massively best-selling young adult book series by Stephenie Meyer. The series, which began with a mousey teenager falling in love at first sight with a dreamy vampire, concludes with a full dive into the supernatural. Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) are married parents to a very unique daughter, Renesmee, (Mackenzie Foy) and both living the good life as glamorous, sparkly vampires in small town Washington. Ah, but it looks like eternity won’t be smooth sailing after all. The vampire authority, the Volturi, have a beef with the happy couple and decide to mess things up in a major way. Tensions rise and it looks like our heroes will be headed for an all-out war. What a lot of trouble for a high school crush!

The film opens where Breaking Dawn Part 1 ended. Bella has just given birth and “died” in the process, only to be saved at the last minute by her (inexplicably) devoted immortal husband and made into a vampire herself. At least Stewart gets to look pretty in this film instead of gawky like the human version of Bella. She needs to learn how to control her unquenchable thirst before she can meet her daughter, a slightly-creepy CGI baby who can communicate telepathically with anyone she touches.

Bella is none too pleased when she finds out her werewolf buddy, Jacob (Tayler Lautner), has “imprinted” on the baby, meaning he is destined to fall in love with her—you know, once she turns 18 and all, because that somehow makes it less creepy. That freak out soon dissipates and Bella and Edward get into the swing of being a happily married (and apparently extravagantly wealthy) couple. Living off the in-laws’ moolah never felt so good.

But all is not well in the world of sparkly, teenage vampires. One day, their daughter is playing in a field and showing off some of her supernatural abilities—being half vampire, half human means she can do some pretty crazy stuff—and our lovebirds are ratted out to the creepy Volturi for creating an “Immortal Child”, a big no-no in the community. Immortal children, little kids who have been turned into vampires, are against the rules and must be destroyed.

And that’s when shit starts going down. The family recruits an entire gang of vampire buddies, most possessing some kind extra supernatural talent, to help them fight off the gang of spooky Italians who are coming to kill little Nessie, Jacob’s Loch Ness inspired nickname for his future love interest. For some reason, everybody and their brother is prepared to die for this little girl and the rival factions converge on a frozen lake to do battle in a gigantic, epic sequence that’s like the teenage supernatural romance version of Helms Deep in Lord of the Rings. Heads are torn off, red-eyed scowls are exchanged and there’s even a lava pit at one point but, SPOILER ALERT, it’s actually all just a projection created by Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene), Edward’s “sister” who possesses the power of foresight. After the “battle”, the bad guys decide to pack up and leave in a rather anticlimactic fashion, leaving everyone to live happily ever after.

The Twilight films always come with a heavy dose of morality, but thankfully this one isn’t as downright bizarre as Breaking Dawn Part 1. In that chapter, we had Bella waiting to have sex with Edward, having sex with Edward and emerging all bruised up, then begging Edward for more sex only to be brutally rebuffed, getting knocked up, having a traumatic pregnancy, going into labor in bone-crackingly violent fashion, then getting a vampire venom injection right to the heart as she lay dying on the table. That, my friends, was some weird shit. This film, on the other hand, sees the two as a relatively normal, loving, married couple who bang whenever they feel like it, since it’s totally fine for people to have sex, as long as they’re married, immortal, indestructible, eternally beautiful creatures.

That’s not so say that there isn’t a bit of weirdness in this one too. No matter how much you buy into Meyer’s supernatural rules, it’s pretty freakin’ creepy for a teenage boy to be irrevocably in love with a two-day-old infant. Werewolf “imprinting” is a romantic notion, but it’s kind of icky when it happens between a man and a toddler. Aside from Bella’s initial anger, she and Edward become surprisingly comfortable with the idea of their daughter being babysat by a guy she will eventually grow to hook up with. Maybe I just haven’t given in to the story enough, but I find that more than a little awkward.

For those who have fully committed to the supernatural realm presented in the books and films, this will surely be a fitting conclusion. The leading men drew collective swoons from the crowd when they first appeared on screen at the show I attended. We now have tons and tons of gorgeous vampires to stare at and Stewart has finally lost that dead-eyed look, even though Bella is actually dead this time. In the end, hardcore fans will look past the films flaws (and there are more than a few) to soak up every minute of the action, intrigue, PG-13 sexy times and never-ending close ups of all the pretty supernaturals. Go forth, Twi-hards, and celebrate the final installment of your beloved series! I’m sure there are many of us who will also be celebrating the fact that this whole shebang is finally over.