Christmas is just days away and there’s not much time to get all the items on your list. Thankfully, the wonderful world of As Seen on TV lets you shop with almost no effort required. Everyone is familiar with the Shake Weight and Snuggie, but here are a few other items to ask Santa for this Holiday season.

Furniture Fix

Furniture Fix is a set of plastic strips you put under a worn out couch or chair to (supposedly) make it more comfortable. The commercial for this novel invention is rife with silly examples and claims. In addition to holding up cinderblocks and making old ladies sit up straight, Furniture Fix can also come in handy when you’re hosting meetings for your Sumo wrestling club.

Pajama Jeans

I’m not going to lie, I kind of want these. Pajama Jeans are a stylish alternative to a muumuu or housecoat. They’re made from the same material as sweat pants, but they’re painted to look like jeans, creating an optical illusion that will fool everyone into thinking you’re a part of society.

Swivel Store

I can’t tell you how many times I open my cabinet, only to be buried in an avalanche of spices. If only someone would create a product that organizes all my herbs and spices in some sort of space age device. What’s that you say? They’ve invented just such a product? That’s right. Swivel Store is the most crucial element of any kitchen.

Sobakawa Cloud Pillow

Americans can’t ever get a good night’s sleep. We toss and turn and simultaneously wake up complaining about neck aches. Sobakawa builds on “Asian traditions” of Styrofoam and synthetic fibers to give you the rest you deserve. Don’t believe me? Just ask the semi-racist caricature of an Asian woman who’s off in dreamland thanks to this miracle in sleep technology. This commercial is also great because it features one of the best “scientific” experiments in the As Seen on TV world: the 10lb weight egg drop. The most disturbing part of this product is that it’s billed as “The last pillow you’ll ever need.” You will have this pillow for the rest of your life and, when you die, they’ll bury you with it.

Perfect Meatloaf

Not to be confused with the Perfect Brownie, the Perfect Meatloaf Pan saves you from a greasy lump of mushy meat with revolutionary convection technology. Blend up your ingredients and pop them in this baby and you’ll have a perfectly shaped (and already garnished) meat cake right out of the oven. I don’t usually eat beef, but if I could be as happy as the girl in the green shirt, maybe I’d start.

Fushigi

I’ve watched this commercial several times and I still can’t figure out what makes this any different from every other ball. Yet, this thing is “sweeping the nation” apparently. I can’t help but feel bad the grandkid somewhere who woke up to find a Fushigi instead of Call of Duty under the tree Christmas morning. Come on, this kind of thing is only cool when David Bowie does it in Labyrinth.

Slap Chop

Stop having a boring tuna! Stop having a boring life! You don’t even eat salad, fatty! All the other products in your kitchen are worthless! Vince, let’s curb the judgment, ok?

Forever Lazy

There can be no greater As Seen on TV product than this! Forever lazy is like a representation of America itself. In fact, I think we should put one on the Statue of Liberty. After watching the woman in this commercial fuss and struggle with one of those silly old fashioned blankets, we can thank our lucky stars that some genius thought to bring us this adult onesie with a Bugs Bunny style trap door in the back so you never have to take it off. Ever. Your move, Snuggie!

I am a huge fan of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and when I say huge fan, I mean it. I’ve watched every season, featured full episodes on the Trashwire blog and gone to see some of the girls live when they pass through Denver. As such an avid Drag Race watcher, I decided to compile this list of my favorite contestants of all time. These queens are artists and entertainers, serving true Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent.

10. Pandora Boxx
Pandora makes the list for her fun, creative style. Her sense of humor shined through in all of her looks and performances. Despite all that, the judges constantly gave her unwarranted negative critiques on the runway. Pandora had the last laugh, though. Her Absolut commercial is the most memorable of the bunch and she was the stand out Drag Professor on RuPaul’s Drag U. Her most memorable moment came from her hilarious impression of Carol Channing on the “Snatch Game” episode.

9. Ongina
Ongina may have been on of the smallest contestants, but she left on of the largest imprints on the show. She was high-energy and fun, like a little pixie, but it was her Viva Glam video that stood out as one of the most touching moments in all of Drag Race. After a joyful video about celebrating life, Ongina revealed that she was HIV positive, bringing pretty much everyone to tears. Ongina was a shining example of someone who always had a good attitude, even through tragedy.

8. Shannel
Who could possibly forget Shannel?! This season one stand-out was a true entertainer, a Las Vegas showgirl with a larger-than-life personality. Her outfits were creative, often showing off a lot of skin and bitch knew how to work a room. Shannel’s look, combined with her talent, commanded the attention of both the judges and the fans. Best moment: when her headpiece “accidentally” came off during her lip sync performance against Akashia, who is most definitely NOT on this list.

7. Jujubee
Juju was memorable for her incredible sense of humor. She was like a tiny, extra fierce Kimora Lee, whom she portrayed in the “Snatch Game” episode. She and Raven were the perfect duo and most of the funniest moments from season two came from their interactions. Juju’s best moment was the reading mini-challenge where she stole the show by throwing shade at the other girls.

6. Delta Work
Delta is on the list in the sixth position mostly because I wanted to avoid having all Heathers in the top four, even though they deserve it. Delta was one of the smartest and wittiest contestants on the show, often teaming up with Raja to throw shade about the other girls backstage during Untucked. Best moment: Delta was on fire during the QNN Untucked episode, but my favorite moment was when she and Raja were discussing Manila’s Asian reporter character and Delta referred to her as “dollar Chinese menu”, perfectly (and humorously) summarizing her performance.

5. Raven
Raven scores just a bit higher than Juju because she was the runner up on her season. Raven did dark and wicked beauty like no other, like the drag Angelina Jolie. Where most contestants froze up, her red carpet interview on the “Diva Awards” episode proved that she could work the media better than most Hollywood starlets. Still, Raven could out-shade the Heathers, at least when it came to fellow contestant Nicole Paige Brooks and her acrylic toenails.

4. Manila Luzon
I’m sure placing Manila at number four will be a little controversial, considering she was the runner up on the most popular season. Manila was an artist with the ability to create themed outfits. Manila’s pineapple dress was one of the most creative pieces I’ve ever seen on Drag Race and the way she made over her burly athlete in the “Jocks in Frocks” episode made her one to remember. As far as Manila’s best moment, two words: MacArthur Park.

Manila x Delta – MacArthur Park by MacArthurManila

3. Carmen Carrera
The Original Body Queen is one of the most unforgettable contestants in Drag Race HERstory, a RuPaul would say. Carmen’s outfits were so skimpy that it was amazing they stayed on and her tucking skills are mind-boggling. She said it herself, “Carmen is nudity.” She was one of the only queens that didn’t get into a huge fight with someone, often brushing off all the Booger nonsense like she was Jay-Z. The ultimate Carmen Carrera moment came in the “Jocks and Frocks” episode when she faced off with Raja in one of the steamiest lip syncs ever.

2. Nina Flowers
Nina is a legend! Her look is completely unique and she’s also one of the sweetest human beings to ever grace reality TV. Nina was the runner up in the first season, and no disrespect to Bebe, but I think she should have been the winner. Nina wasn’t your typical drag queen. Her style showcased more artistry than female “illusion” and she was instantly memorable. In the news challenge, Nina proved that, despite her ultra fierce exterior, she could be funny too. She kept making mistakes with the teleprompter, but she kept a good attitude and was able to laugh at herself. Werk Loca!

1. Raja
Some people love her, some people despise her, but there’s no denying that Raja is the fiercest of the fierce. No one can walk the runway like her, and that includes supermodels like Naomi Campbell. Her creativity was unparalleled and her looks were the most fashionable and memorable, occasionally outshining RuPaul herself. No one else could pull off the tribal warrior outfit, the blood-drenched Carrie dress or the high fashion Marie Antoinette look. This Diamond Crowned Queen was a winner from day one, and not for all the made up reasons the pro-Shangela conspiracy theorists throw around. She won because she was the best, plain and simple.

So there you have it, my RuPaul’s Drag Race top 10. Do you agree with my picks or is there someone I’ve unjustly left out?

Stay tuned for clips from RuPaul’s Drag Race season four in January on the Trashwire blog and view the trailer below!

The music video for “Na Na Na”, the first single from the upcoming My Chemical Romance album Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys, marks a welcome departure from the gloom and doom of The Black Parade with bright colors, a fun low-budget attitude and a new narrative style.

Frank Iero, Mikey Way, Gerard Way and Ray Toro of My Chemical Romance

The general narrative for The Black Parade involved a character named The Patient, who was dying of cancer, being ushered into the afterlife by a goth Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. The music video for the first single had Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Ray Toro, Frank Iero and former drummer Bob Bryar as the band leading the parade of the dead through a dark, ash-colored world of rubble and wreckage. Additional videos, for singles “I Don’t Love You”, “Famous Last Words”, and “Teenagers”, kept with the narrow color palate and more somber subject matter. While “Famous Last Words” had an uplifting message, it was delivered through a video that saw the band performing in the midst of the flaming wreckage of the parade float from the “Welcome to the Black Parade” video.

The Killjoys fill up their Trans Am

Members of the band have stated in several interviews that, while The Black Parade was their most successful album to date, it was also the force that nearly destroyed the band. Instead of being guys from New Jersey who were lucky enough to play music for a living, they felt trapped by their own creation and they were no longer enjoying what they were doing.

It was at this point when they started to record a new album with the goal of doing the opposite of The Black Parade. But, when all was said and done, they weren’t happy with that either. They started from scratch all over again and the result was Danger Days.

The first single, “Na Na Na”, shows a change of tone from the get-go with a catchy chorus and amusing lyrics. It’s more of a return to the punk vibe of early MCR. There’s no more morose theatrics and the song certainly won’t be classified under the dreaded “emo” category. Instead, it’s up beat and, most of all, it’s fun.

Gerard Way as Party Poison

The video, co-directed by Roboshobo and Gerard Way, is superb! It’s like a Spaghetti Western meets a post-apocalyptic low-budget sci-fi. It’s what a movie about the future would look like if it was made in the late 1970s/early 1980s. Like Heavy Metal meets Mad Max meets Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, the gritty video takes place in a desert landscape with the MCR gang joined by a cute multi-culti little girl as they cruise around in their Trans Am and blast bad guys with laser guns. Each member of the band takes on a different Killjoy persona with Gerard as Party Poison, Toro as Jet Star, Iero as Fun Ghoul and Mikey as Kobra Kid. Comic book writer Grant Morrison stars as the bad guy, leader of the masked enemies who are out to kill the Killjoys. Gerard has cited Morrison’s work, particularly Doom Patrol, as an inspiration both for the band and for his own comic, The Umbrella Academy.

Very unlike the videos from The Black Parade, “Na Na Na” is filled with color, right down to Gerard’s bright red hair. Shots of Mikey doing karate kicks or Iero teaching the little girl to shoot a bazooka add a light-hearted spirit not seen in recent MCR videos and the overall feel is fun and vibrant. This also marks the band’s first video that doesn’t feature any performance of the song. Instead, the song serves as a soundtrack for the narrative, adding depth and making the video seem more like a short film.

If “Na Na Na” is any indication, Danger Days will be the perfect turn for the “new” My Chemical Romance.

View the video below or on the Trashwire Blog.

From Anthony Michael Hall in Sixteen Candles to McLovin, Hollywood loves nerds. Typically, nerds in movies are portrayed as people who have been wrongly rejected by their school society, but are really great human beings underneath their acne, glasses and knowledge of all things Star Trek. The Social Network is different in that billionaire nerd and Facebook co-founder Mark Zuckerberg (played to perfection by Jesse Eisenberg) seems to be a social outcast for a very good reason: he’s a jerk.

The opening scene perfectly sets up the film. Zuckerberg’s girlfriend (Rooney Mara) delivers a breakup speech saying that he may believe people don’t like him because he’s a computer nerd, but in fact, people don’t like him because he’s an asshole. This sentence rings true as we watch him dupe wealthy, handsome twins Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (both played by Armie Hammer) into believing he’s creating their social networking site, Harvard Connection, while he’s actually taking their idea and expanding it into the site we all know and love, Facebook. While screwing a couple of entitled future Olympians might not be so bad, we see how deceitful Zuckerberg can be as he teams up with sleazy Napster co-founder Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake) and ousts his former best friend and true Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin (Andrew Garfield) out of the growing company.

While the true story of the social networking giant is incredibly intriguing, what struck me most is the way this film completely flips the typical geek rags-to-riches story. The movie could be about a brilliant nerd who outsmarts the exclusive elite and becomes the world’s youngest billionaire, living proof of the American Dream. Instead, we are given a hero that is truly unlikeable and our sympathies lie unexpectedly with the privileged Harvard kids that Zuckerberg swindles along his path to fame and fortune. Usually it’s the opposite: everybody is The Geek, but no one is Jake Ryan.

Getting completely wrapped up in a story is a testament to good actors and there are definitely some outstanding performances in The Social Network. Eisenberg plays Zuckerberg as an intellectual who alienates his friends and colleagues by talking down to them and believing he is always the smartest person in the room. There are times when you despise him, when you feel sorry for him, and even a few where you appreciate his quick humor. Hammer’s Winklevoss twins are the snooty rich kids you’d normally loathe, but he brings a certain vulnerability that makes them more than just upper-crust caricatures. It’s hard to get an audience to hate Timberlake, but he manages to play Parker with the perfect level of Hollywood douchebaggery normally reserved for the cast of Entourage.

The standout is Garfield, who is the true hero of the film. He is the one who takes audiences on an emotional journey. We’re with him from his initial excitement at creating a site that takes off like a runaway train to his pain when his former best friend betrays him. Though Zuckerberg is the subject, we see the world through Saverin’s eyes and Garfield goes an amazing job of bringing us there.

Inevitably, the film carries with it a bias against Zuckerberg and paints him less as a shrewd businessman and more as a deceitful know-it-all. Saverin consulted on the original source material, author Ben Mezrich’s book The Accidental Billionaires: The Founding of Facebook, A Tale of Sex, Money, Genius, and Betrayal, so it can only be assumed that the film would side with him. Still, Facebook has been riddled with controversy since it’s infancy and the story certainly makes you think twice about Zuckerberg’s motives and methods in building the site.

I joined Facebook in it’s early days in 2004 and seeing The Social Network made me wonder if I was part of the problem, part of the masses who gave Zuckerberg his possibly undeserved power. Still, I just can’t not use the social networking site.  In that sense, Zuckerberg is like a drug dealer who makes a profit off the addiction of his customers, but we don’t care because we just can’t live without that sweet sweet Facebook.

Today at Comic-Con, I got to kick back and enjoy a few panels–which was lovely considering I’ve had about four hours of sleep since I got here. I had fun hearing about writing Invincible Iron Man and Avengers, saw some of the most ridiculous comics ever, learned about creating effects for Avatar and found out Gerard Way’s favorite fictional bounty hunter.

Early in the morning, I attended the Marvel Comics Writers Unite! panel, which featured Brian Michael Bendis, Matt Fraction, Chris Claremont and Mark Waid. They talked about writing within the “rules” of a predefined universe and some of their least favorite artist-writer parings. They were really engaging and had the audience cracking up.

After that, I got to check out the Spotlight on Gerard Way panel. That was very cool to see because Gerard Way, Gabriel Ba and Scott Allie talked all about the Umbrella Academy. Of course, things tend to drift pleasantly off topic during the Q&A and Ba told the audience about watching 90201 all the time growing up in Brazil. He mused that the show was one of his favorites as a kid and as he got older he realized, “that show is about nothing.” Way talked about everything from adopted-sibling love to his daughters favorite book to his favorite fictional bounty hunter–he chose Dog–and had amusing little anecdotes to fan questions. He also briefly discussed the next My Chemical Romance album and quickly mentioned the upcoming Umbrella Academy film.

Later on, I stumbled upon the Oddball Comics pane. Scott Shaw presented a slideshow of “the craziest comic books ever published” with absolutely hilarious commentary. The show presented the covers for gems from the past like Rainbow Batman and Doll Man. Shaw’s collection of useless superheroes and promotional comics was outstanding.

Next up was The Winston Effect. The panel was all about the special effects of Stan Winston and included Winston’s son Matt. The accomplished effects artists talked about creating characters, not relying solely on green screen and the new Stan Winston School of Character Arts. Winston’s work was astounding, so it was really fascinating to hear about it from people who were right there with him making it happen.

Today also featured two celebrity surprises. I spotted Joel McHale as he was exiting the G4 stage and saw Adrienne Curry in an absolutely perfect Leeloo costume.

After roaming the exhibit hall for another hour, I was ready to pass out and had thoroughly enjoyed my first Comic Con. I’m definitely planning to come back next year to see if it could possibly top the fun of this experience.

When Trashwire began all those years ago, the contributors had pen names. Most were just plain silly, and some were not so safe for work. One of our earliest contributors was Dave DeHart, whose Trashwire nickname was definitely on the NSFW side. Today, Dave is back, using his real name, and bringing us his unique sports commentary in a new section caled “Sports Smart(ass) with Dave DeHart”. This week’s episode: Golden Tate vs the donut shop.

It feels so good to be back! My (one) fan might remember me as Dicky Cockerson, but I’ve been forced to change my name to David DeHart due to a long legal battle I lost with an internet pornstar. I wrote a Trashwire review for Spiderman 2 back in late 2004, and while my pseudo-bromance with Spiderman (or nearly everything Marvel) still exists, I decided to stop reviewing movies all together after I watched Ladder 49 and couldn’t possibly think of a way to review a movie that turrible (I know only pronounce the word ‘terrible’ like Charles Barkley). So without further Edu (it’s World Cup time baby!), I bring to you Sports Smart(ass) by Dave DeHart. Each week, I’ll be weighing in on some of the dumbest, oddest, and inexplainable happenings in sports. If you want sports recaps, go read a goddamn newspaper.

As TMZ.com first reported, Seattle Seahawks rookie WR Golden Tate was recently issued a trespass warning for breaking into local Seattle doughnut shop Top Pot Saturday at 3am. TMZ also has the recording from the nightshift baker who called in the incident. She claims that Tate was “being retarded” and stole several Maple Bars, which sound like they’d be worth taking a trespassing rap for. I’m guessing that “being retarded” meant he was drunk because I want to give the benefit of the doubt that an NFL rookie wouldn’t be smoking that super bomb Seattle Northern Lights (even though coach Pete Carroll could empathize if he was).

Now, I realize I’m not the first to chime in on Tate’s after hours escapades for some late night munchies, but I’ve gotta say, I don’t blame the guy. Do you even realize how hard it is to find delicious food at 3am on a Saturday when you’re drunker than Lindsey Lohan after a Ke$ha concert?! In Denver, you can’t even get Taco Bell at 3am, TACO BELL! Who even knew Taco Bell closed? It’s not like their employees have families to go home to.

If you are not familiar with Tate, he was a runningback/wideout hybrid at Notre Dame who made incredibly physical plays after the catch. On one particular play I saw, he got hit while jumping, did the ole’ fliparoo and almost landed on his feet to continue pounding his way to the endzone. Also, he has an incredibly awesome name too. It’s fun to say, Golden Tate, Golden Tate, Golden Tate, sometimes I accidentally say Golden Taint which brings up all sorts of rich imagery.

It’s no surprise though that a player who will do flips to get into the endzone would force his way into a donut shop for some delectable maple bars after a night of boozing. What else are you going to do, break into a Starbucks for some of their shitty zucchini walnut muffins? Fuck no. If you’re going to break into a store, it better be for something insanely awesome, like a Maple Bar from Top Pot, which Tate described as “irresistible.” If I was an NFL player coming home from a night of pounding my liver into submission where my stomach was an innocent bystander, I’d break into the store after taking a whiff of the Maple Bars from Top Pot (This entry IS brought to you by Top Pot Hand-Forged Doughnuts – http://www.toppotdoughnuts.com… no, not really.)

Luckily everyone, even the Seattle police, could laugh off the incident and instead of getting pegged with a breaking and entering charge, Tate walked away with a trespassing slap-on-the-wrist and belly full of finger-licking Maple Bars. I don’t like that he tried to pawn this one off on his friend and partner in crime, but hey, his friend isn’t worth millions of dollars, so pawn on my man. Let’s just all be happy that Golden didn’t stake his reputation on the line for some…wait for it…Karat cake.

Today’s the last day of 2009 and I, for one, can’t wait until it’s over. Aside from the bad economy, 2009 also brought us such unwelcome gifts as Balloon Boy, H1N1, Kanye’s VMA outburst, and celebrity deaths by the truckload. While some people are writing lists about their favorite moments of the year, I’ve compiled a list of reasons why I’m looking forward to saying sayonara to 2009. So, without further delay, I bring you… 5 reasons 2009 can suck it.

5. Lamar Odom marries Khloe Kardashian:
After becoming a stand out on a championship team, Odom made headlines of another variety when he met and quickly married a Kardashian. The scandalous union seemed like one of the biggest publicity stunts of the year, but it worked, making both household names and propelling the duo to a whole new level of fame. The Keeping Up with the Kardashians wedding special sealed the deal for unadulterated overexposure.

4. The rise of the non-celebrity
Whether it’s Balloon Boy, Octomom or the Gosselins, 2009 marked the year the meek inherited the world of entertainment. Every tabloid magazine or entertainment news show seemed to be filled with random people who had managed to squeeze every last drop out of their 15 minutes of fame. If you’re like me, you were left wondering where all the actors, singers, and actual talented people were.

3. The never-ending healthcare quagmire
Death panels? Public options? Pre-existing conditions? This year healthcare was all the rage as the government sought to make sense of the ridiculous predicament insurance companies and the American people had gotten themselves into. Each day, things got more confusing as compromises were made and the whole thing started to spin out of control. Some have argued that it’s all been a way to take our minds off the war, and that might be true, but the real question is, how can I get a job on one of those death panels?

2. Sarah Palin writes a best-seller
It’s questionable that Palin has ever read a book, but this year she published Going Rogue: An American Life, which became hugely popular with people who liked her kooky antics. Sadly, the book wasn’t just pictures of her holding shotguns standing over dead moose carcasses. As if we needed to hear any more nonsense from this vacuous media whore!

1. The death of the King of Pop
Michael Jackson’s death was a true tragedy that devastated his fans all over the world. After the initial sadness, there was the media storm and subsequent exploitation (I’m looking at you Jermaine!) of everything MJ from This Is It to the countless products baring an image of the late great superstar. The worst part of it all is that the death of such a significant and talented person left a void that the media filled with hordes of non-celebrities from Speidi to the kids from Jersey Shore.

It’s understandable that Michael Jackson’s This Is It has become a controversial issue among fans. The film showcases Jackson’s indescribable talent and creative vision, cementing his status as the most amazing entertainer of all time, but will leave audiences with a bittersweet feeling in light of his untimely death.

This Is It brilliantly uses dancers, musicians and crew as a sort of narrative device, beginning with a group of young dancers emotionally describing their joy at being chosen to perform with their idol and ending with the same group watching in awe as Jackson rehearses some of his most iconic songs. The audience can instantly identify with these dancers and it helps to put the immense scale of Jackson’s talent into perspective. Sure, your everyday person is amazed by Jackson’s moves, but to see a crowd of highly trained professionals completely enthralled in the performance further elevates Jackson’s status as a kind of superhero entertainer.

Yet unlike Superman, Jackson was mortal, and the film also tragically shows a living superhero dealing with his own limitations. We’re all used to seeing footage of Jackson from his dazzling performance on Motown 25 in which he first debuted the Moonwalk or in his red leather jacket from the “Thriller” music video, but it’s easy to forget that those classic images are from more than two decades ago. Watching the 50-year-old Jackson thrill the small crowd at rehearsal makes you see how hard he was pushing himself to please his fans and instantly conjures up concerns about pain, weight, and other health issues that may have plagued him. You know he was willing to put himself through anything to please a crowd, and you feel a bit guilty about being part of the global audience who had (and continues to have) and insatiable appetite for all things MJ.

In the same vein, it’s hard not to question whether Jackson would have wanted the film released in the first place. He was a notorious perfectionist and, while his rehearsals are better than most concerts today, it still feels like you’re seeing something private. It’s impossible to resist wanting a glimpse behind the curtain, so to speak, but again, it’s also easy to feel guilty after seeing something you know wasn’t intended for mass audiences.

Regardless of the conflicting feelings that might be dredged up by This Is It, the film is still lasting evidence of just how amazing Jackson truly was. Even toned down, he’s spectacular. The insight into his hands-on approach and visionary creative drive prove that he was not only a brilliant performer, but also an overall entertainment genius whose talent will never be matched. The real tragedy is knowing the way the story ended.

What exactly is the “American Dream”? According to Wikipedia, the concept was first expressed by James Truslow Adams in 1931, saying citizens of every rank feel that they can achieve a “better, richer, and happier life.” It was that kind of optimistic freedom that encouraged so many of our ancestors to immigrate to the United States. Of course, now the “American Dream” doesn’t seem to just include improving your life, but also getting famous. Instead of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, America has now become the land of unemployment, ridiculously expensive healthcare and the pursuit of a reality TV deal.

Recently, the world was captivated by a giant silver balloon floating over Colorado, reportedly with a small child inside. CNN put the breaking story on the front page of their website, broadcasters interrupted regularly scheduled programs and sent helicopters to follow the balloon, Twitter was nearly overloaded by all the people posting well wishes for poor Balloon Boy. Only, the kid was never in the balloon and it was later revealed that the boy’s family had concocted the whole thing as a publicity stunt to help them land a reality TV show. Now the backlash is enormous as both legitimate news and bloggers slam the family. The real question is, are we mad because the stunt grounded flights at Denver International Airport and took emergency services personnel away from real emergencies or are we just angry because we all fell for it?

As much as we want to dismiss the family, it seems they got what they wanted because the whole world was talking about them, and many news outlets continue to talk about them as the scandal unfolds. Just like Nadya Suleman, affectionately know as “Octomom”, they did something so crazy that they became celebrities from it. As long as squeezing every last drop out of those coveted 15 minutes of fame is everyone’s goal, the world will keep buzzing about non-celebrities like Jon and Kate Gosselin and churning out new “stars” like Tila Tequila. As Ricky Gervais once said, “You ask kids nowadays what they want to be and they say ‘famous’.” Everyone wants to be a star, and maybe that’s the problem.

This kind of non-celebrity is nothing new. Remember years ago when Paris Hilton first started creating a buzz? Everyone kept angrily asking, “But why is she famous? What has she actually done to get famous?” Was she an actress? A model? A singer? Why was everyone talking about her? As more and more people started rhetorically asking why the world cared about Hilton, she got more and more famous.

Since then, TV has churned out scores of reality “stars” who seem to be taking up valuable space in our collective brain and who make a trashy socialite like Hilton seem like Princess Diana by comparison. If you’ve watched VH1 for any length of time, you probably remember such useless “celebrities” as Tiffany “New York” Pollard and Brooke “Pumpkin” Thompson from Flavor of Love, Daisy DeLaHoya from Rock of Love 2 (and later her own spin-off Daisy of Love), and David “12 Pack” Amerman from I Love Money. While VH1 seems to be the largest factor in non-celebrity pollution, other networks have contributed to the mess. Let’s not forget that MTV, of course, gave the world Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. Even legitimate networks like NBC, ABC and CBS have created pseudo-stars from series like The Bachelor or Survivor. At least with shows like American Idol people have to show some talent or skill to advance.

The sad/horrifying part of this is that it’s everyone’s fault. People don’t just get famous on their own. Fame requires a kind of agreement between the celebrity and the public and we all seem happy to enter into that contract. I’ve personally been a part of many conversations blasting crap reality shows and fake celebrities, yet these conversations all seem to end with people saying, “Except for ___, that show is actually really good.” I’m just as guilty of it—hell, I even created an entire section of Trashwire to document the everyday events inside the Big Brother house—and I don’t see any end in sight.

So what do we do? How can we stop this? The truth is, we can’t. It’s a global pandemic and there is no cure. As long as people remain fascinated by publicity hounds that will do anything to get on TV, the networks will keep spewing out more and more false celebrities. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to post a blog about how Adam from Big Brother got arrested for selling oxycodone.

There is no way I can string together a sentence that can fittingly express just how much Michael Jackson meant to me or how deeply devastated I am by his death.

The word “epic” is unworthy of describing his life, his career and his iconic level of fame. Not only was he the most significant artist in music history during his life, but the news of his death today nearly shut down the entire internet. The way the story unfolded in the news marks a major change in journalism and social media that will surely have implications for years to come. The biggest comfort to me, and surely many other fans, has been the overwhelmingly positive nature of the coverage and comments. Aside from the few who feel the need to make jokes or spread malicious garbage, most everything I have read, listened to and seen today regarding his passing has expressed sadness and appreciation for the light he brought to the world.

To me, Michael Jackson was much more than a singer, a dancer, and a celebrity. To me, he represented The Dream, the hope and optimism that can keep us going in our darkest hours. Whenever I felt like I was wallowing in the lowest points of my life, I had The Dream to lift me up and make me believe things would get better. The Dream is that magical part of childhood, the wild imagination, which makes us believe anything is possible, that the future will be brighter than the present. Today, I feel like my childhood is officially over because The Dream is gone.

In time, I am sure that I will be able to once again feel that optimism and inspiration that Michael Jackson represented in my life. Today, however, I am left with sorrow and disbelief.

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Alexis Gentry
Creator/Editor
Trashwire.com