RuPaul’s Drag Race season four has begun! I wasn’t sure any season could top season three with Raja and The Heathers, but with talk of zombies, and a futuristic apocalypse, the first episode got my attention.  I’m pretty sure when the apocalypse does occur, drag queens will be the last ones standing, looking fierce atop the wreckage in their seven inch glitter platforms. As the new queens made their way in the “Werk Room” I had a few first impressions.

The Ru-Pocalypse challenge had them create couture from items they were able to lift off of zombies of seasons past.  Side note, even as a zombie Raven was gorgeous!

Willam was pretty, but her personality was not attractive.  She couldn’t stop letting you know that she has been on TV. Her outfit was safe; she met the criteria, but it was nothing special.  They may keep her around for her annoying factor, a la Shangela.

LaShauwn Beyond’s hairpiece could barely come through the door, but I saw a little Tyra Sanchez in her. After listening to her miss pronounce “apocalyptic” numerous times, I questioned what her outfit would look like. In the end, she couldn’t say the concept, but she seem to grasp it. She came out elegantly wrapped in a tarp with a busted globe headpiece. However, as she stood in front of the judges, she admitted a lack of confidence and nerve, a requirement for Drag Race, hunty!

Jiggly Caliente was fierce by association, as I had seen her in Manila Luzon’s “Hot Couture” video and hoped she would bring that level of drag.  Her outfit looked like a glue gun and a recycle bin exploded all over her. You can’t hang with Manila and look like that! She landed in the bottom two and her excuse was she didn’t know how to sew.  The prize is $100,000, girl, take some lessons before the show!  Not a major contender.

Phi Phi O’hara channels Mariah Paris Balenciaga with a pretty face, but can she bring more?  Her outfit was very Thunderdome and although good, it seemed like she played it just safe. Phi Phi will have to turn it up for me to believe she won’t rest on pretty. On Untucked she showed some fight, If she can bring that fight to the judges, she might have a better chance.

Madame LaQueer – A plus size Puerto Rican with a very pretty face, but she was a bit forgettable in this first episode. She walked the runway in a jungle-maid-of-the-apocalypse, outfit that really made no impression on me at all. In the Interior Illusions lounge, she was making excuses about her shoes.  Again $100,e000 her ladies, come to play!  Not a contender.

Milan did not impress me when she entered the show in a pimp outfit. I cringed, hoping she wouldn’t be like Shangela. In the end she had my second favorite look of the night, like an “infected Betsy Johnson”, and I was pleasantly surprised.  Her attitude is good, but sewing is not her strong suit and seems she relied on other queens to help her. Tip: other queens will stop helping you very soon, so stand on your own and you may have a shot.

Alisa Summers is fishy, but not at the Carmen Carrera level.  She took the easy way on the challenge and relied on a breastplate, pretty face and, for some reason, went drag ski bunny for the apocalypse, which landed her in the bottom two.  I was not impressed and neither were the judges. She’s out!

Dida Ritz walked in with a busted wig and busted paint and I felt like she would be out in no time, but she cleaned up well and her make up and hair got better quick. Her outfit was just safe. She has long Naomi Campbell legs, but does she have the fierceness? Jury is still out on this one.

The Princess looks older than 32, but she had the best line of the night when she told Sharon Needles, “You are exactly the kind of guy I’m attracted to.  You have that meth look”.  She claims she went with a water world theme, but I’m guessing she made it and then thought up the much-needed backstory as the outfit did not float with me or the judges.  I liked her at first, but her runway presentation was a bit of a let down.

Kenya Michaels is a fishy, tiny, Puerto Rican queen and she could be in the final four.  She has a little Yara Sofia with her, but may lack Yara’s imagination.  Her outfit of a red bird in a glittered diaper was not related to the theme and she may need a scare to get her to think outside what she already has in her luggage.

Chad Michaels is the oldest queen at 40. Known for doing the best Cher impersonation you will ever see, she could be a one trick pony.  She will have to do her best to stop looking like Cher in the contest and that may prove impossible, given all the modifications she has made to her face.  She could win Ms. Congeniality, because she helps the other queens, but that won’t win this race. Her final outfit again was not memorable. Expected more from such a seasoned veteran.

Sharon Needles brings us an entirely new drag and it may be the bright spot in the show if she stays this creative.  She embraced the challenge and won.  Her quick wit and her uniqueness should land her in the final four, but can she pull off more than just strange?

Latrice Royal–finally a big girl who has real confidence! She may look like Darrell Dawkins out of drag but she brings the Chocolate Thunder when she paints up. I’m hoping she goes far, but big girls often have a tougher time on this show.  I have a feeling this double-wide diva will keep it very real and that should be entertaining all on it’s own.  She is in my top four.

Last year there was such a clear-cut winner from the first show, but this year will be less predictable.  This year the playing field is more level, but if I had to pick the top four right now, it would be Sharon Needles (Odd is the new black), Latrice Royal (Too big to fail!), Willam (Annoying factor), and Kenya Michaels (Serving fish).

Let the games begin!

Watch the full premiere episode, RuPocalypse Now!, here:

And check out Untucked here:

Red Tails, written by John Ridley and Aaron McGruder and directed by Anthony Hemingway, is based on the true story of the Tuskegee Airmen, the legendary African-American pilots of World War II. The film was first developed over two decades ago by George Lucas, but faced many challenges because studios believed a movie with an all-black cast couldn’t be profitable. It’s quite fitting that a film about these heroes, who overcame prejudice and adversity, can serve as an example to Hollywood that it’s possible to make a successful film with an African-American cast. 

Red Tails tells the story of a few of the heroic airmen. There’s Easy (Nate Parker), the straight-shooting leader who hides a drinking problem, Smokey (Ne-Yo), who’s always quick with a funny remark, Joker (Elijah Kelley), Deke (Marcus T. Paulk), the religious one, Junior (Tristan Wilds), the young gun and Lightning (David Oyelowo), the cocky one who never does anything by the book. They serve under Major Emmanuel Stance (Cuba Gooding Jr.) and Colonel A.J. Bullard (Terrence Howard) in a segregated all-black squad. As the U.S. starts to loose bombers at a rapid pace, they are forced to give these pilots a try, believing them to be mentally and physically inferior because of their race. Beginning with their first mission, they prove to be some of the best flyers the military has ever seen and end up helping the war effort and becoming American heroes.

Lucas has said that he wanted this film to feel like something made in the 1940s and unearthed today. He succeeds in this regard. All visual effects and sweeping aerial shots aside, Red Tails does have a vintage vibe in terms of storyline and characters. Most will probably criticize the corny, one-dimensional nature of our heroes, but if we look back to old war movies, they didn’t contain complex, three-dimensional characters with rich backstories and motivations. The main characters were servicemen who fought for their country and became heroes, and that’s all we really needed to know about them. Here, we get a glimpse into each pilot’s life, but the main story takes place in the air.

All the airmen have their own unique qualities. Ne-Yo stands out with the voice and swagger he creates for Smokey. Oyelowo, shines as Lightning because he gives us Top-Gun-level cockiness while still being likable. Andre Royo and Method Man bring comic relief as mechanics Coffee and Sticks. Both Gooding and Howard pull their weight and show us that the Tuskegee Airmen were fighting more than just Nazis, they were fighting a culture of bigotry and racism.

One of the most fascinating elements about the film isn’t what takes place on the screen, but everything that had to take place before the cameras even started rolling. Lucas has said that he financed the film himself because of resistance from major studios who believed a film with an all-black cast wouldn’t be profitable overseas, where most films make the majority of their money. It’s very true that Hollywood places “black movies” on a different level than “mainstream” movies. Typically, these films have very low budgets and limited distribution. Lucas set out to change that and prove that a film with an almost entirely African-American cast can be mainstream. It’s very fitting that the tale he chose to break this barrier also happened to be about a skilled group of African-Americans who were told they were inferior by the mainstream military.

20. Liz oozes confidence and charisma

In this great clip, she gives herself a pep talk.

19. Liz would do anything for love

Including wolfing a Teamster sub so she could reunite with the man of her dreams at the airport. Ah, just like a romantic comedy, but with a lot more dipping sauce.

18. Liz is a feminist

Tina Fey is my heroine, and by that I mean “lady hero” not that I want to inject her and listen to jazz. Naturally, I loved the episode (“Rosemary’s Baby”) where Liz got to meet the TV writer that inspired her. Unfortunately for Liz, her heroine turned out to be crazy and they ended up roaming the streets of Little Chechnya with delusions of grandeur.

17. Liz faked a pregnancy

Jack’s girlfriend, Avery, is hiding her pregnancy and her work rival, Carmen Chao, is out to expose her. Liz steps up to the plate and pretends she’s with child to fool Carmen. The result is this photo shoot. “Rufus T. Barleysheath is kicking!”

16. Liz is tenacious

She works hard for her beloved show and nobody’s gonna take that away from her.

15. Liz is the boss

Who run the world? Girls! Liz Lemon is at the top of the food chain on TGS, and in this clip, she finally started getting the respect she deserved.

14. Liz’s love life

Floyd, Dennis and even the studly Dr. Baird (Jon Hamm) have all courted Miss Lemon. We get a great example of Liz’s taste in men when she discovers that Dennis was on To Catch a Predator.

13. Liz knows how to party

Liz has had some wild times in her past. Everyone knows there ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party, ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory.

12. Liz is resourceful

After purchasing, and subsequently ruining a wedding dress with ham grease, Liz found a new use for the dress when she used it to prop up the leg of her Swedish ready-to-assumble furniture.

11. Liz gets freaky

Though she keeps it on the down low, Liz can be a bit of a freak in bed, as Jack finds out when he puts a black light on her.

10. Liz was a bully

All these years, Liz thought she was a lowly nerd in high school, picked on and teased by the likes of Kelsey Winthrop and the popular kids. It’s only later that she learns she was actually the mean girl.

9. Liz’s success song

“I’m a star! I’m on top! Somebody bring me some ham!” All of us have little motivational songs we sing ourselves, though most of them probably don’t include ham.

8. Liz should not be photographed in 1080p

Hi-def isn’t for everyone, and it certainly isn’t for Liz Lemon.

7. Liz is a bad hooker

What would Liz do if TGS suddenly got canceled? She’d start turning tricks. But she’d be really, really bad at it.

6. Liz’s diet

Whether it’s Sabor de Soledad or Cheesy Blasters, Liz will eat just about anything fattening, processed and fried. Thanks, Meatcat!

5. Liz sleepwalks…and sleep eats

And on the subject of Liz’s diet, she once ordered a pizza in her sleep. That’s a true skill.

4. Young Liz Lemon

One of my favorite things about 30 Rock is the flashbacks to Liz’s past. What aspiring actress hasn’t been represented by Suzanne’s B+ Talent as some point?

3. Astronaut Mike Dexter

There can be no greater made up boyfriend that Liz’s fantasy man, Astronaut Mike Dexter.

2. “I want to go to there!”

The phrase was originally coined by Tina Fey’s then three-year-old daughter, but has now been used the world over when describing something you want so much that it erases all your knowledge of grammar. For example, I used it the first time I saw Jason Momoa without a shirt on.

1. Two words: Night Cheese

There are so many more, but I’m limited to what clips/pics I can find online. This list doesn’t include the time she accidentally called Floyd’s girlfriend and pretended to do a survey for the Ranford Group but ended up yelling “Who is this?! I’m your worst nightmare is who I is!” Other great moments I unjustly left out: the Dealbreakers talk show, the time she tried to refill the water cooler when she got in a fight with Tracy about gender equality, when she pretended a lego train was a robot penis or the time she had a drunken phone break up with the co-op board of the apartment she wanted.

Ben Harmon’s tears

Whether it was crying about his daughter growing distant from him, his wife wanting to divorce him, or just a good post-masturbation sob, Dylan McDermott gave us the most emotionally damaged shrink on TV. His tears have been immortalized in internet meme history with a funny blog called Reasons to Cry Like Ben Harmon.

Larry killing Hayden

I think Kate Mara is a great actress, so great that I couldn’t stand Hayden. Watching Larry (Dennis O’Hare) smack that whiney bitch in the head with a shovel was a delight. Unfortunately, it meant she’d return as an even more annoying ghost fueled by vengeance and horniness.

“Violate”

Fangirls and shippers have been all about the Tate/Violet romance since day one. Dubbed Violate by the fans, this couple has kept teenage girls enthralled all over the internet. There are zillions of Tumblr blogs dedicated to the doomed lovers and probably even more blogs dedicated to Tate/Violet fan fiction. The most amazing (and totally horrifying) thing about Violate “shippers” is the way they love such a despicable character. Even AHS creator Ryan Murphy has said that Tate is the true monster of the show. I understand thinking Peters is hot, but wanting to date Tate Langdon? He killed a bunch of people and raped and knocked up his girlfriend’s mom, which eventually lead to her death when she gave birth to the anti-Christ, yet teenage fangirls everywhere are still swooning that they want a boyfriend just like him.

The Dead Breakfast Club

A long time ago, golden boy Tate killed a whole bunch of people in a school shooting that predates Columbine. On Halloween, when the dead can walk freely, the bloodied spirits of a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal decide to confront their killer.

Chad’s raised eyebrow

Proving he could out sass even Constance herself, Zachary Quinto was serving snarky realness as Chad, one half of the gay couple who mysteriously died in the house before the Harmons moved in. Quinto’s eyebrows deserve an Emmy all on their own.

Young and old Moira

We first meet Moira as creepy old woman (Frances Conroy) who forces her way into a housekeeping job with the Harmons. Next thing we know, she’s a creepy young woman (Alexandra Breckenridge) who wants nothing more than to seduce Ben like something out of an old porno. What does she have up her sleeve and will Ben ever realize that those tits he’s been checking out actually belong to a wrinkly old lady?

Addie’s “Bad Girl Closet”

Adelaide (Jamie Brewer) was introduced in the first episode as a kid warning people that they’ll most likely be murdered in the house, but she was much more than the cliche spooky girl with a connection to the supernatural. Addie was weird and her sneaking into the Harmon’s house was creepy, but as we got to know her, we came to love her. That’s why it was so disturbing when Constance locked her in the bizarre closet full of mirrors so she could get back to banging her hot younger boyfriend.

The use of “bullshit”

This could spawn a drinking game that might land participants in the hospital. Go through each episode and count how many times the word “bullshit” is used, particularly by Violet. Thank god this show was on cable. Can you imagine this on a boring network where all the characters tell each other they’re full of bologna instead?

Constance’s racism

Jessica Lange won a Golden Globe for her portrayal Constance, the Harmon family’s bat shit crazy neighbor. When she’s not feeding her neighbor raw organs or locking her Down Syndrome daughter in the “bad girl closet”, she’s smoking a cigarette and sending her boyfriend down to the “Ko-rean” to go pick up more chocolate chips.

The Rubber Man is revealed

While some of us guessed the identity of the infamous Rubber Man prior to episode eight when we finally learned his true identity, it was still a shocking moment. Tate (Evan Peters) seemed like such a sweet, sensitive boy. He charmed both Violet (Taissa Farmiga) and the audience with Ted-Bundy-like ease and we were only hoping he wasn’t really the latex wearing homicidal rapist. Alas, he was and seeing him take off that mask in the bathroom mirror was one of the most “holy shit!” moments on TV.

There are so many things I love about this show that it was really hard to narrow them down into this short list. Honorable mentions to Squeaky Fromme and the gang from the Murder House episode, Billie the psychic’s acrylic nails and the way Nora Montgomery (Lily Rabe) says “Chaaarles!” when she criticized her husband.

Lee’s most notable works include co-writing the screenplay for Crooklyn and acting roles in Mystery Train and Coffee & Cigarettes, both films from director Jim Jarmusch. Lee’s most recent film is a sci-fi fantasy piece entitled Window On Your  Present. The film was actually Lee’s first, being shot in the late 80′s and just released on DVD from BrinkDVD.

Recently I was fortunate enough to catch up with Cinqué to discuss his latest release as well as the film industry in general.

Chris Coffel: What was your inspiration for Window On Your Present?

Cinqué Lee: I was in a public art high school in the early ’80s, Art & Design, making B&W super 8 shorts and had been scribbling these silhouettes of characters in bombed out churches with shafts of light and a couple arguing in a graveyard. I had squatted a couple of times with my skate punk friends and did see stuff like that. The funny thing is I knew I had these clothes,my deceased mothers clothes, I was putting in these sketches. My Mom’s fur coat, 1940′s leather pilot hat and googles and stuff…. I was also, and still am, into decaying abandoned buildings and back then there were tons of them that were beautiful. I didn’t know at the time that my sketches were my conceptual design for Window On Your Present.

This character and also one of my teachers turned me on to Roman Polanski’s B&W short films and some other silent films. So I really started obsessing over B&W and my sister’s boyfriend turned me on to Andrei Tarkovsky and his films flipped me the fuck out.

CC: Was the style and look of the film something that was done based on the budget, or was that your initial vision?

CL: I was already strung out on B&W and maintaining my fix by shooting B&W super8 shorts with the same style and look before I had to up it a notch to 16mm.

CC: The movie was shot in the 80′s but was just recently released, was there a specific reason for this? And if it were shot today, would it have been done differently?

CL: The movie took forever to make because I would change what I wanted or didn’t know what I wanted so I would put it away and come back to it years later here and years there. Having all the time I had to finish, I got what I wanted and so know I wouldn’t change anything.

CC: You’ve worked on many different aspects of the filmmaking process from composer to producer to director to actor and so on, is there a different mindset you have to get in for each one or do you just prepare the same way? Do you have a preference?

CL: Acting is the most difficult for me and that’s the only thing that feels like I have to separate my brain from what ever I’m doing. It’s like something triggers in my head like ‘oh crap, I gotta get in front of the camera now? I don’t want to go there, please don’t make me.’ So yeah acting has it’s own mindset. I can’t just switch over to as easily. As a matter of fact, I don’t feel anything sort of switch at all when I have to wear different hats. It’s that damned acting.

CC: Are there any specific filmmakers that have been a big influence on not only Window On Your Present but your career in general?

CL: Andrei Tarkovsky is the guy who rules my world when it comes to any influence as far as filmmakers go. But I also get inspired by music too. The Cocteau Twins are my favorite band.

CC: As somone that’s worked in the industry for a while now, you’ve seen lots of changes in filmmaking. The biggest change over the years seems to be the shift from using traditional film to the use of digital. Have you worked with digital at all and if so do you prefer one versus the other?

CL: I have worked with digital and it’s a pain in my ass. I worked on my brother’s film recently and I operated two cameras. A Canon 5D and a super 8 camera. Any time I had to use the Canon I dreaded it but when the Super 8 was called on I was like ‘I got this!’ I don’t like cards but I do love shooting on mini dv tape. I feel safer with tape, too many buttons and options on the Canon 5D for me. Hell I still cut on the old old version of iMovie. I just wanna pick up a camera and shoot.

CC: Any current projects you’re working on that you’d like plugged?

CL: I’m not a pluggy kind of person but I will say that I’m all over the place as usual. Been chiseling away on a graphic novel for years and also trying to bust out a whacked out kids show.

CC: And lastly, who is the better director, Spike Lee or Jim Jarmusch?

CL: Ha! That’s a good one.

To purchase Lee’s newest film, Window On Your Present, click here.

Visit Cinqué Lee’s IMDB page.

Window On Your Present is the new film from writer/director Cinqué Lee. By new I must clarify newly released on DVD by BrinkDVD, as the actual film itself was the first from Lee which he shot in 1988.

The fantasy film follows Europa, played by Maria Pineres, as she makes her way through a crumbling world stripped of color; imagine Snake Pliskin’s New York in black and white. In this world both color and love are things of the past. In this lackluster world with nothing to live for, people often resort to suicide.

This is an interesting and different take on a post-apocalyptic universe than we typically see in modern cinema. Two lovers meet and discover something special exists beyond the treacherous world they know. 

The cinematography from DP Leslie Mentel helps set the picture of a world that manages to be dreary and run down while still maintaining an interestingly beautiful look. This is key as Window On Your Present contains no dialogue between the characters, instead relying on the imagery combined with narration from Europa set to a score from acclaimed jazz bassist Bill Lee, who also happens to be Cinqué Lee’s father, to move the story along. This makes Window On Your Present feel less like a movie and more like a visual poem.

This isn’t a film for everyone, but cinephiles and art house theatre lovers will be drawn to it. It has a quick run time of just over an hour; an important thing to consider in this day and age for a film that is twenty plus years old, shot with techniques of yesteryear, but getting it’s first release now.

Lee has crafted a wonderfully enjoyable little film that relies on skill and technique rather than special effects and loud noises to keep the audience engaged. It’s rare and quite refreshing to see this from a modern American film.

Jim Jarmusch, the director behind such films as Down By Law and Coffee and Cigarettes, hailed Window On Your Present as a “true underground classic.” Jarmusch may have been onto something as the film is unique and certainly deserves to be seen. Kudos to both Cinqué Lee and BrinkDVD for making that possible.

Christmas is just days away and there’s not much time to get all the items on your list. Thankfully, the wonderful world of As Seen on TV lets you shop with almost no effort required. Everyone is familiar with the Shake Weight and Snuggie, but here are a few other items to ask Santa for this Holiday season.

Furniture Fix

Furniture Fix is a set of plastic strips you put under a worn out couch or chair to (supposedly) make it more comfortable. The commercial for this novel invention is rife with silly examples and claims. In addition to holding up cinderblocks and making old ladies sit up straight, Furniture Fix can also come in handy when you’re hosting meetings for your Sumo wrestling club.

Pajama Jeans

I’m not going to lie, I kind of want these. Pajama Jeans are a stylish alternative to a muumuu or housecoat. They’re made from the same material as sweat pants, but they’re painted to look like jeans, creating an optical illusion that will fool everyone into thinking you’re a part of society.

Swivel Store

I can’t tell you how many times I open my cabinet, only to be buried in an avalanche of spices. If only someone would create a product that organizes all my herbs and spices in some sort of space age device. What’s that you say? They’ve invented just such a product? That’s right. Swivel Store is the most crucial element of any kitchen.

Sobakawa Cloud Pillow

Americans can’t ever get a good night’s sleep. We toss and turn and simultaneously wake up complaining about neck aches. Sobakawa builds on “Asian traditions” of Styrofoam and synthetic fibers to give you the rest you deserve. Don’t believe me? Just ask the semi-racist caricature of an Asian woman who’s off in dreamland thanks to this miracle in sleep technology. This commercial is also great because it features one of the best “scientific” experiments in the As Seen on TV world: the 10lb weight egg drop. The most disturbing part of this product is that it’s billed as “The last pillow you’ll ever need.” You will have this pillow for the rest of your life and, when you die, they’ll bury you with it.

Perfect Meatloaf

Not to be confused with the Perfect Brownie, the Perfect Meatloaf Pan saves you from a greasy lump of mushy meat with revolutionary convection technology. Blend up your ingredients and pop them in this baby and you’ll have a perfectly shaped (and already garnished) meat cake right out of the oven. I don’t usually eat beef, but if I could be as happy as the girl in the green shirt, maybe I’d start.

Fushigi

I’ve watched this commercial several times and I still can’t figure out what makes this any different from every other ball. Yet, this thing is “sweeping the nation” apparently. I can’t help but feel bad the grandkid somewhere who woke up to find a Fushigi instead of Call of Duty under the tree Christmas morning. Come on, this kind of thing is only cool when David Bowie does it in Labyrinth.

Slap Chop

Stop having a boring tuna! Stop having a boring life! You don’t even eat salad, fatty! All the other products in your kitchen are worthless! Vince, let’s curb the judgment, ok?

Forever Lazy

There can be no greater As Seen on TV product than this! Forever lazy is like a representation of America itself. In fact, I think we should put one on the Statue of Liberty. After watching the woman in this commercial fuss and struggle with one of those silly old fashioned blankets, we can thank our lucky stars that some genius thought to bring us this adult onesie with a Bugs Bunny style trap door in the back so you never have to take it off. Ever. Your move, Snuggie!

Will Ables, Trashwire’s resident music writer, is a big fan of Tom Waits. In fact, he’s such a big fan that he’s compiled this list of reasons why no one will ever be as cool as Tom Waits. He’s even backed it up with video evidence.

10. Just watch. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C49H3aWdiK8

You‘ll need a cigarette and a cocktail. You just had sex with Tom Waits.

9. Xylophones. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnBzDD_O1Fg

Read that again:  Xylophones. An instrument that is entirely fucking useless with two exceptions: Scrabble and a Tom Waits Song. Waits rescues useless instruments from the refuse heap (what the hell is a Basstarda?!) and weaves them into a song where they stand out like melodic nails on a chalkboard or disappear into a wall of bizarre sound. It’s amazing.

8. Fuck Morgan Freeman.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHOHi5ueo0A

Tom Waits needs to narrate everything.

7. That thing with the LAPD.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bHOHi5ueo0A

I’d like to tell you this story while quoting a reputable source (Mr. Waits is obviously not included in this for really fucking obvious reasons) but that just doesn’t seem like fun. This is one of those tales that has screamed past just being a “musician’s story” and become downright mythic. Tom Waits stands up for the common man? Tom was a little drunk and mouthed off to a pissed off cop? Who knows, who cares. There were guns involved. There was much violent poetry. And in the end the city of Angels had to write Mr. Waits a check.

6. He likes to win. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lX1qpcDchD4

Oh and then give it all away. Tom Waits will sue you if you’re a dick. He does not give a shit. Don’t use him in a god damn commercial, especially not without his permission, or you will be sending him money.  A very large amount of money. But do you know what Mr. Waits does with those checks he makes you write? He gives the money to charity. Who does that? Tom Waits does.

Although when you’re this charming, I feel like giving him money anyway.

5. Cookie Monster http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5X4N2exOsU

I know, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen too.

4. Tom Waits Private Listening Party http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeTja7JXK9A

What the hell is that? Who can possibly be that weird? Why can’t I be like that?

3. Did I mention he can act? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yod51lr3F0U

Ok, he’s mostly played variations on Tom Waits but who really cares. Variations on Waits is brilliant. The man looks like he could break out a story at any moment, like he already knows all there is to know about you, and like there’s absolutely no getting away from him. He’s scary as shit and has a disturbing vulnerability about him. Like you couldn’t possibly mess this man up anymore than what he’s already done to himself. Plus cool chicks dig him, which helps.

Also, if I have to go to hell the Devil better fucking look, dress, and sound like Tom Waits. Otherwise he’s just doing it wrong.

2. Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers, & Bastards http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2bNMpAGfFQ

Songs that no one wanted, except not really. For anyone else nearly any song on here would have defined them stylistically. That or pretty much determined exactly the sort of thing everyone would expect from them from then on. But that’s just not Waits. He has played in every style and done it just about better than everyone else. He’s not ashamed to try something ridiculous and, even when he is being outlandish and just bizarre, the fact that he just loves every fucking minute of what he’s doing practically oozes out of the tracks. That’s what makes Orphans so brilliant. It’s a love letter to a career, to fans, to music. And these are the songs that didn’t make the cut. (“Walk Away” is a song off Orphans but I really just wanted an excuse to include that video.)

1. Pointy-fucking-shoes.

You can’t pull this off. Don’t bother; you’ll look like an idiot. He doesn’t. That’s all there is to it.

Shame, starring Michael Fassbender as Brandon Sullivan, is a very appropriately titled film. Mostly because I’m ashamed for having watched it; and I’m not ashamed because of the nudity in it. I’m an adult (kind of) and I can handle a little on screen penis. Mostly, I’m ashamed because I hated the movie. If it weren’t a press screening I probably would have walked out on the film. So if you’re still interested in seeing this film I’ll go into some details. 

MAUDE: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?

DUDE: Excuse me?

MAUDE: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?

DUDE: I was talking about my rug.

MAUDE: You’re not interested in sex?

DUDE: You mean coitus?

MAUDE: I like it too. It’s a male myth about feminists that we hate sex. It can be a natural, zesty enterprise. But unfortunately there are some people–it is called satyriasis in men, nymphomania in women–who engage in it compulsively and without joy.

DUDE: Oh, no.

MAUDE: Yes Mr. Lebowski, these unfortunate souls cannot love in the true sense of the word.

So yes, I’m quoting The Big Lebowski here but this quote ran through my head multiple times during the watching of Shame and I think that it gives you a good definition of what Brandon Sullivan is going through during this movie.

Shame is about Brandon Sullivan, who has a sex problem. He seems to be able to court any women he wants into bed with him, he has sex with prostitutes and he is constantly watching pornography and masturbating. He even masturbates at work. While this seems like an interesting premise the film never tells you that this is a problem. Sullivan just seems like a guy with a strong libido. It’s an apparent problem because he can’t seem to focus at work (despite scoring a major sale), he can’t manage a relationship with his sister and he’s never been in a lasting relationship. His addiction with sex occupies his entire life.

Aside from the sex addiction Sullivan seems to have it good. He has a high-rise apartment walking distance from Madison Square Garden, he is succeeding at his job despite the lack of a computer, he gets along with his boss and he has a lot of sex. While he doesn’t get along with her, his sister is a very talented singer who sings regularly at upscale Manhattan bars. However, he can’t seem to control his urges and it leads him to have a destructive life.

Shame director, Steve McQueen, seems to have a 30 minute screen play on his hands that he wanted to turn into a full length feature. Instead of giving backstory on characters and building a plot he filled empty time with very slow scenes that added nothing to the story.  This is another film that had me wondering when the story would reveal itself, but found nothing. Near the end of the film McQueen adds some strong imagery and events that would normally be an epic climax to the film, but because he never made the audience care about the characters it just seemed like a tactic added to try to add substance to a meaningless film.

The strong imagery and events at the end of the film did add some entertainment and possibly a laugh or two, but they did not make the film worth seeing. Perhaps if they used some of their empty time to add substance and backstory to the main characters of the film it would have been thoroughly entertaining. But because of the amount of penis and sexual imagery during the film McQueen scored a rating of NC-17, which will likely get the film more viewers. If you must see this film, I recommend going to Red Box or Netflix instead of a theater.

Some people might think of Hawaii as a perfect place. The inhabitants of this group of islands don’t have any problems, heartache or stress. Why would they?  They live in Hawaii! The Descendents aims to disprove that theory. George Clooney stars as Matt King, a Hawaiian local who is a lawyer, a descendent of royalty and the main trustee of a large chunk of Hawaiian land. Matt, like anyone else in the world, regardless of where he lives, has quite a few problems. His wife is in a coma after a terrible boating accident, he is working with his cousins on a possible sale of the land, he has to try to take care of his two out-of-control daughters, and to top it off he found out his wife had been cheating on him.

Matt receives news that his wife would never wake up from her coma, and after finding out that she had been cheating on him, he decides to go look for his wife’s beau to inform him of her impending death so he can say goodbye. Matt takes his daughters and his older daughter’s boyfriend along with him on the trip, which turns out to be a learning experience for Matt and his daughters that will shape their future.

The Descendents could easily be a top choice for film of the year. It had striking imagery because of its Hawaii setting, strong emotion and a solid foundation of humor.  Clooney is perfect in this role and nails the character. He perfectly controls the mixture of tragedy and humor which are sometimes layered deeply in a single scene. His daughters, played by Shailene Woodley and Amara Miller, were excellent casting choices. They play perfectly off Clooney with their lovable yet crude behavior.

While my favorite aspect of this film was the humor it wasn’t all fun and games. The film provided very striking images of Matt’s bed-ridden wife. They show her throughout the film and as her condition deteriorates and she becomes closer to death she looks it. Matt is forced to tell his friends and family that his wife won’t be waking up. His daughters have to say goodbye to their mother and Matt has to come to terms with the fact that his wife cheated on him while never being able to confront her about it and try to send her to the afterlife.

The most appealing part of this film, besides the fact that it starred Clooney, was the mix of comedy and tragedy. The director, Alexander Payne, takes multiple serious subjects and gives them a real world context. Even though the problems that Clooney’s character faces are large and not something most people would deal with daily, Payne shows how people deal with their problems. And, like most of us, it’s done through humor.  The daughters use profanity and fight with each other and the boyfriend provides comic relief as a beach bum kid along for the ride. The score is also fun and lightens the mood during very tense moments. Payne also does a great job of setting the mood with shots of landscape and serene establishing shots.