It's All Fun and Games Until Someone Has Syphilis

A couple of weeks ago I was working at the Gay Pride Festival in Louisville, KY. I was in a very nice booth where we handed out balloons to people. Most everyone likes balloons, and our booth was modestly popular. Next to us were some people handing out t-shirts, some others handing out free pens, and at the end there were some guys handing out sports bottles. We were all modestly popular, it was a beautiful day, and everyone was happy.

Except for the poor man in the booth down at the far end. No one went to his booth, we noticed. He stood there alone.

Finally, he came down to talk to us, and we found out why he was alone.

He was the Syphilis Booth.

Yes, at his booth you could get a free syphilis test. By having your blood drawn through a needle stuck into your arm. Not surprisingly, there wasnât a crowd lining up for this. And so he came down to explain to us why we should all volunteer to have our blood drawn in a tent at a park during a festival.

He was very nice, and very earnest. He told us it wouldnât hurt, and that it would give us peace of mind. Wouldnât it be nice to know that we donât have syphilis?

We all awkwardly agreed with him that not having syphilis is a good thing. And then he mentioned the Gift Cards.

Apparently, if we agreed to let the Syphilis Booth stick us with a needle, we could get a Gift Card to Target or Starbuckâs.

The nice young man went back to his booth, and we were left to consider his offer. Oddly, none of us had thought to ask how much the Gift Card was worth, which led us into a discussion of just how much a Syphilis Test was worth. Was a $10 Target Gift Card enough, we wondered? We all agreed that $5 was not enough, and that $50 was definitely enough, but a spirited debate ensued over the values in between. Some felt that a $20 Syphilis Test Gift Card was fair, while others vehemently disagreed.

Then we all wondered if you get the results right away, and we all agreed that there was no Gift Card worth that. I mean, here you are having a beer in the park, hanginâ with your buds, enjoying a lovely, sunny day, and suddenly the Syphilis Booth Man says ãIâm sorry, you definitely have syphilis, but please accept this Starbuckâs Gift Card with our thanks.ä. Total buzz kill moment.

The more we thought about it, the worse it seemed. After all, who was this guy, really? He was in a tent in a park, sticking needles into you. Not exactly hospital sterile. And so an even more sinister outcome occurred to us: ãI have good news and bad news. The good news is that you donât have Syphilis. The bad news is I may have given you Hepatitis. I hope you enjoy using your Target Gift Card!ä

Not surprisingly, none in our group were tested for Syphilis that day. But sometimes I still wish I had one of those Gift Cards.

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