The War on Christmas

          So, recently a lot of people have been talking about the ãWar on Christmasä and I really donât understand this entire argument. People say that by saying ãhappy holidaysä what we actually mean is, ãgo Satan! Down with all religion and letâs launch an attack on the Christians.ä What I donât understand is, havenât we been saying ãhappy holidaysä for, like, decades now? When did a generic winter greeting turn into an ãattackä on religion?

          I thought we said ãhappy holidaysä because thereâs more than one holiday in winter. We have Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and for those of us who donât give a crap about those, thereâs still New Yearâs. Does New Yearâs not count anymore? Just because someone is a different religious belief doesnât mean that there isnât a holiday. I donât celebrate Kwanza, hell, I didnât even know what it was until about six years ago, but now I know it exists so Iâm not going to pretend it doesnât because itâs not my religious holiday. Itâs not like the ãholidayä well wishers are asking Christians, Jews, or anyone else to change religions, just acknowledge that there ARE other religions. That doesnât seem so strange to me.

          This whole thing is all just another way of polarizing the country. In my boring U.S. History class, sadly, a requirement for American Studies majors, we talked for months about the Civil War and the road to the Civil War. The similarities to today are really quite hilarious. During the Civil War, the crazy South felt attacked by the radical abolitionists in the North, even though most people (including Abraham Lincoln) were more on the moderate side than die-hard rebels. Still, nearly every move the Northerners made was perceived as an attack on ãour way of lifeä for the South and vice versa. Hmm, ãour way of lifeä I think Iâve heard another annoying Southerner use that phrase a lot. Interesting that slavery was once considered ãour way of lifeä in America long before the phrase started meaning gas-guzzling, internationally oblivious, uninformed, pro-life, middle class white people doing their thing. But I digress·

          Anyway, the point is that during the 1850s the country was so polarized that people couldnât even sneeze without it being considered a statement for or against slavery. I feel like the exact same thing is going on today. I mean, damn, we canât even tell someone ãhappy holidaysä without it being seen as a slam on one religion or another!

          I really believe that most people are not really against any religion, but there are a vocal few on either side that fuel the fires and keep this idiotic debate going. Thereâs nothing wrong with that, we live in American and people, even stupid ones, can say whatever they want.

          The point is that it just seems so foolish to me. I read an article in The Baltimore Sun today that said that a man was upset because his childâs school calendar contained a few Christian and Jewish holidays, but there was no note of Christmas on December 25^th. My question was: who the hell cares? Itâs a piece of paper with the dates written on it, the purpose of which is to tell school kids when they have time off. If high school kids are anything like they were way back in 2002 when I was in school, they donât really give a crap about the reason they get off of school, only that they DO get off of school.

         But maybe thatâs the problem they see with the whole thing: that no one really cares about why we get time off school anymore. I know people even freak out over Martin Luther King Jr. Day, which a lot of schools still donât consider a holiday, Columbus Day or even Presidents Day. As a kid, I never really cared about either. I was happy when we started getting MLK day off and sad when we stopped getting Columbus Day off, not because of my moral stance or convictions, but because I just wanted to have another day to hang out with my friends and not think about homework.

          Maybe we should just make generic holidays each month and avoid any religious or cultural connotations. That way we could shut up all the raving lunatics and still have time off of school and work. I see no problem in ãDecember Holiday Breakä or ãYearly Break #7ä as long as I can have a day off. Of course, this would never work because religious nuts and psycho liberals only want things their way. ãEither everyone believes what I believe or I hate them and kill them,ä thatâs the real American ãway of lifeä and thatâs too bad. Maybe thatâs the real problem, people on either side are both so crazy that no one in the middle has stepped up and said ãhey, why do we even care about this?ä

          We had such a good country going here for a little while, itâs a shame to see stupid meaningless crap like this drag it down the toilet. But hey, even Thomas Jefferson said we should rise up and overthrow the government every hundred years or so just to keep things in check. Donât believe me? Just look it up in the Declaration of Independence, another thing I was required to read this year. If there was a revolution, I wouldnât really care how things changed as long as I could still have my rights (like free speech and stuff) and get time off from school and work.

          Those of us at TRASHWIRE still wish all of you ãHappy Holidaysä because we really donât care what you believe as long as you visit our website. So letâs all just sit back and think about what really matters this holiday season: time off.

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