Candy light bulbs bring holiday cheer

The dollar store can be a magical place. At first glance, it can seem like a shop filled with cheap crap that was probably made by little slave children in some foreign country, things that didn’t sell when they were in a real store, damaged or slightly askew goods, and lame little trinkets that make you ask, “Who would buy this?!” But, if you look a bit closer at dollar stores, you will see that they can be a bizarre wonderland of crap-tastic items.

During my most recent trip to one of these crap temples, I overheard some of the best conversation and found some of the most unique items that I’ve ever seen. A family friend joined us during this expedition and was shocked, to say the least, at what he witnessed there.

Nearly every person in the store looked like they just came from the Jerry Springer audience. There were a lot of old sweatshirts with cliche sayings or Looney Tunes characters on them, bottle blondes who needed to touch up their roots, men who looked like Todd from Beavis and Butt-head loading up on Christmas gifts for their families, and many people who looked like they only came in there to hang out because they had nowhere else to go.

As we passed one suspicious looking man, my friend remarked, “Everyone in here looks like they’ve done time.”

As if by some scripted coincidence, seconds later, a woman in the next isle remarked loudly, “Well, I’m finally allowed to see my kids again, so…” before trailing off.

We went up and down each isle, looking for the one item that would perfectly encapsulate the experience, the Holy Grail of garbage, until we saw….. candy light bulbs!

Like a prop from a comedy skit that somehow migrated into the real world, there it was, a display stand full of candy light bulbs.

I approached the packages curiously, wondering how these items even came to be. What company had produced candy light bulbs? Who had invented the strange treat? Who had honestly looked at a piece of candy in the shape of a light bulb and said, “Perfect! Kids will love this!”?

I picked one pack off the display and examined it, certain I would find some kind of warning label telling children that real light bulbs are not candy. Instead, the only warning on the package cautioned that there was a real battery and working light inside each bulb-shaped lollipop. That was it.

I couldn’t pass this up. I grabbed a couple packages of candy light bulbs and headed to the check stand. I think they’ll make the perfect gift for my dollar store aficionado friends.