Rock the Cradle is like heroin
I have a very dangerous addiction to MTV’s Rock the Cradle, the American Idol style show where the children of music stars compete for viewer votes. I would compare this to a drug addiction because, while it’s probably destroying my brain to watch this trash-tastic series, I just can’t stop tuning in. It’s the ultimate guilty pleasure!
For those who haven’t heard of the show, it features a roster of celeb spawn including Crosby Loggins, son of Kenny Loggins, Jesse Blaze Snider, son of Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider, and Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton-John. Already eliminated from the competition were Jesse Money, A‘Keiba Burell Hammer, Lil’ B. Sure, Landon Brown, Lara Johnston and Lucy Walsh.
On last night’s episode, the final three were chosen and I could not have been happier with the results. You see, while there are some contestants who have genuine talent, like Johnston and Loggins, I was rooting for those who were the most entertaining. While Loggins is probably the most musically skilled, it was Lattanzi and Snider who really stole my heart.
Snider is simply captivating. Aside from the fact that he hasn’t worn a full shirt for the entire season, he is a great contrast to the mellow, down to earth (but kinda boring) Loggins. He’s arrogant, loud, obnoxious, and extremely competitive. He represents everything that is wrong with the music scene, and probably America’s youth as well…. but, for some reason, I dig it. I was joking the other day that I hated him so much that it came back around and I ended up wanting to make out with him. Apparently the judges and voters agree with me, because he keeps soaring into the next round.
Now, Mr. Hard Tasty Washboard Abs isn’t the only reason I’m psyched about the final three. I can’t get enough of my other favorite sideshow attraction, the lovely Ms. Lattanzi. Her face is like some kind of melted wax figure and, like a Rubik’s Cube, I keep trying to solve the mystery of how it got so mixed up. She’s young, only in her twenties, yet she looks like she’s had more surgery than Joan Rivers or the infamous Cat Lady. Lattanzi would be the prom queen of VotefortheWorst if they cared about this show. Even the house band seems to loathe her, often shooting her dirty looks or rolling their eyes at her during rehearsal. Still, something about her makes you pull for her and want her to advance to the next round.
Last night’s episode left me literally speechless when Lattanzi retreated to her father’s tipi to chant and play didgeridoo to mentally prepare for the competition. She also burst into tears when judge Larry Rudolph made her sing a song by his former artist, Britney Spears. She is so fascinatingly unstable that it becomes almost endearing and it’s impossible to look away.
I’m very excited to see if the voters will chose Loggins to win or weather they’ll be distracted by the flash factor of Snider or the Sylvia Plath darkness of Lattanzi. While I know Loggins deserves to win, I can’t help but root for my two favorite contestants and hope that the final episode is about entertainment over talent.
Be sure to catch the finale of Rock the Cradle Thursday at 10pm on MTV or check out rockthecradle.mtv.com to watch performances and full episodes. This show is a must see for any trash tv fan!