A blunder of first date rules

You might remember Diana Glazier from her awesome ‘Sex and the City Movie’ review a while back. Well she’s back again and this time she’s laying down the law for guys on first dates.

In my recent string of first dates, I have discovered that the chivalrous act of the guy paying on the first date has completely lost its charm.
 
Matt, a successful fitness instructor and model, asked me out to dinner a few weeks after he began calling me. He took me to a tasty downtown sushi restaurant on our first date. I eyeballed his body language as he proudly spoke about his portfolio and perfectly crafted abs. I deemed him to be successful, accomplished, and polite. He was not particularly my type, but I eased myself into the date delighted that the waiter had brought me a second glass of Chianti.

We ordered the sushi to go, and as the plastic bags were set down in front of us Matt exclaimed, “Do you want to split it?”

Gulping down the remaining contents of my glass, I quickly replied, “No that’s okay, I’m really not that hungry. Help yourself for as much as you like.

“No,” he smirked. “I meant the check.”

I will admit that his response was less then par. I figured that since he had asked me to dinner, the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to pay for both of us. After all, this was our first date, he presented me with the dinner offer and when has letting the girl pay for dinner on a first become the norm?

Had it been our third or fourth date, I would have willingly picked up the tab. So I tried to hide my utter confusion, and placed my credit card down on the table with a smile.

I was seething, but Matt did not have to know this.

At this point there may be some confused individuals as to why I was dissatisfied with Matt’s dinner arrangements. It was the principal of the situation that pushed my bottoms. We may never know who wrote the book on first date etiquette, but its rules have been passed down from generation to generation. Matt was not the first guy that completely floored me with his thought process. I was asked to a movie once where I was coaxed into slipping the cashier my credit card. I politely sat through the movie, but mentally put a big red X on the guy.

I quickly climbed out of his car when he dropped me at home, and ignored his follow up calls.I am sure that both of my examples were fine young men, with many other great attributes. Yet, the lack of good manners that was exerted on their end turned me off.

Some of you might think that I am too finicky, superficial, or just plain snooty. I protest that if a man cannot buy you a dinner, then he must have a ravenous streak in his personality. I work hard for my money and please others with it when I so chose and am glad to do it. I can most definitely buy myself a dinner or go see a movie, but if a man can’t spend the money that he will make more of on me as the classic and chivalrous gesture to win me over, then I give up!

A classic argument from many men is that if women want to be treated as equals then we should pay for ourselves. I think it’s a pathetic excuse for a man who is egotistic and classless. This issue is not about equality, it is again about chivalry and social norms. This is why still so many of the men that I have gone on first dates with have enthusiastically paid, and I admire them for that. In all truth, there is something to be said about a man who pays on a first date, and even more to be said about a man that does not.