Britney’s “comeback” can’t save boring VMAs

Is it just me or were the MTV VMAs totally disappointing this year?

Kudos to MTV for trying out something new and moving the show to the Palms in Las Vegas. I’m guessing that the idea behind the move was that everyone acts a little crazier in Vegas. After all, their slogan is “Whatever happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” The producers probably assumed that the performances would be that much more exciting, the thank-you speeches that much more candid, and the guests that much more scantily-clad.

Instead, the whole show played like a drowsy dress-rehearsal. The energy was noticeably low during almost every single segment. All the guests seemed bored with the show and even the crowd cheered like they were waiting for the whole thing to be over so they could go out to a real party.

As soon as I saw that they had split up the main show into a bunch of smaller performances in luxury suites in the hotel, I knew we were in for trouble. The VMAs are usually a big live-tv party, not several small parties that were barely televised. This year, it seemed like all the big stars were at smaller events, like the Southern Hospitality Party with Justin Timberlake, 50 Cent and Timbaland or the Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes performances in another Fantasy Suite in the hotel.

With all the big performances happening in the Fantasy Suites, it’s no surprise people in the main venue were less than thrilled with what they were watching. What fun is it to go to the VMAs if the only cool performances you can see are live feeds of a cooler party broadcast on a big screen?

The only main-stage event that seemed to wake up the groggy guests was Chris Brown‘s energetic dance routine. Brown proved that, though he’s young, he’s a natural performer and captivated the crowd with his dancing. He even broke out a killer Michael Jackson impression, dancing to the first few minutes of “Billie Jean” like a pro. His performance was so impressive that it made Male Artist of the Year winner Timberlake proclaim that Brown made him realize he wasn’t a young guy anymore because he could never dance like that.

Now, let’s get to that big elephant in the room…. Britney Spears.

Her performance had been hyped up for months before hand and was discussed practically nonstop on the VMA pre-show. VJs like Suchin Pak and MTV veteran John Norris asked almost every single guest what they were expecting from Spears’ performance. With all the buzz that went into it, I was expecting her to do an elaborate 10 minute showcase, proving to everyone that she still had a career. Instead, I watched in horror as a chunky has-been lazily shuffled around the stage in a too-small sparkly bikini.

We all knew she was going to lip-synch, but she didn’t even dance. It was one thing to watch her past performances because at least she showed some skill and talent for dancing. Now, she just stood on the stage while a team of back-up dancers gyrated around her. Her movements were minimal at best, her face looked like she just woke up from a nap and her hair extensions looked like she’d let her sons glue them in.The whole time, she looked like the floor was slippery and she was afraid she would fall down in her high-heeled boots.

I guess, in the back of my mind, I was hoping it would be a train-wreck. I just never expected it to be quite this bad. It was easily the most horrifying 3 minutes on MTV since ‘Celebrity Rap Superstar’.

Britney’s lackluster “comeback” was just a microcosm of the entire show: boring, predictable, and that special brand of annoying that MTV has perfected over the years. It wasn’t bad enough to be a guilty pleasure, and not good enough to be actually impressive. In fact, the whole thing left me yawning and ready to go to bed. They kept mentioning that the show would only air once, and after seeing it, I think we all know why.