5 reasons 2009 can suck it

Today’s the last day of 2009 and I, for one, can’t wait until it’s over. Aside from the bad economy, 2009 also brought us such unwelcome gifts as Balloon Boy, H1N1, Kanye’s VMA outburst, and celebrity deaths by the truckload. While some people are writing lists about their favorite moments of the year, I’ve compiled a list of reasons why I’m looking forward to saying sayonara to 2009. So, without further delay, I bring you… 5 reasons 2009 can suck it.

5. Lamar Odom marries Khloe Kardashian:
After becoming a stand out on a championship team, Odom made headlines of another variety when he met and quickly married a Kardashian. The scandalous union seemed like one of the biggest publicity stunts of the year, but it worked, making both household names and propelling the duo to a whole new level of fame. The Keeping Up with the Kardashians wedding special sealed the deal for unadulterated overexposure.

4. The rise of the non-celebrity
Whether it’s Balloon Boy, Octomom or the Gosselins, 2009 marked the year the meek inherited the world of entertainment. Every tabloid magazine or entertainment news show seemed to be filled with random people who had managed to squeeze every last drop out of their 15 minutes of fame. If you’re like me, you were left wondering where all the actors, singers, and actual talented people were.

3. The never-ending healthcare quagmire
Death panels? Public options? Pre-existing conditions? This year healthcare was all the rage as the government sought to make sense of the ridiculous predicament insurance companies and the American people had gotten themselves into. Each day, things got more confusing as compromises were made and the whole thing started to spin out of control. Some have argued that it’s all been a way to take our minds off the war, and that might be true, but the real question is, how can I get a job on one of those death panels?

2. Sarah Palin writes a best-seller
It’s questionable that Palin has ever read a book, but this year she published Going Rogue: An American Life, which became hugely popular with people who liked her kooky antics. Sadly, the book wasn’t just pictures of her holding shotguns standing over dead moose carcasses. As if we needed to hear any more nonsense from this vacuous media whore!

1. The death of the King of Pop
Michael Jackson’s death was a true tragedy that devastated his fans all over the world. After the initial sadness, there was the media storm and subsequent exploitation (I’m looking at you Jermaine!) of everything MJ from This Is It to the countless products baring an image of the late great superstar. The worst part of it all is that the death of such a significant and talented person left a void that the media filled with hordes of non-celebrities from Speidi to the kids from Jersey Shore.