For Your Consideration: Spring Breakers

James Franco as Alien in Spring Breakers

This film is listed as a comedy and drama, but the only comedy to Spring Breakers is how bad it is. The premise: a bunch of barely legal girls (Venessa Hudgens, Selena Gomez, Ashley Benson, and Rachel Korine) desperately want to go on spring break, but they can’t afford it, so they rob a restaurant with toy guns and get away clean

. Cut to spring break montage.

One good time leads to another and—oops!—the girls end up in the pokey. What should they do now?  No, don’t call mom, or anything normal like that, instead get bailed out by a total stranger, “Alien” (James Franco) a local rapper/gangster/hoodrat/loser who they are instantly attracted to for his money, guns, and painfully awful rapping skills. 

Cut to crazy spring break montage. 

As their ‘friendship’ progresses with Alien, Faith, (Gomez) feels things are getting out of hand and wants to go home.  Alien decides she can go and that, my friend, is when we should all get up and go home, because the movie just goes in to countless montages of spring break debauchery until you are begging for a story line—but it never comes. You don’t care about the characters enough to wait for the outcome and you are constantly hoping they all die or spend eternity in jail.

Spring Breakers gets my vote for worst movie of 2013.

Ratings: No stars!

Pat Sue Gentry

Pat Sue is a contributing writer for Trashwire.com, bringing her unique style to film reviews and pop culture commentary. In addition to blogging, she is also Trashwire's primary photojournalist.

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